I’m going to love my child under any circumstance. I don’t care if they come out of the womb looking like you bro, I will still read them stories and have them fetch me beers and make them lie to their mother about daddy’s large glass statue that smells like a skunk in the back of his closet. “Snitches get stitches,” that’s a life lesson they’ll surely attribute to their pops. Life lessons, one of the many riches of being a good dad.
WITH THAT SAID, every fiber of my being wants a boy. I don’t care if he doesn’t have that signature Keohan big-swinging dick when he exits the womb, I am more confident I can control the volatility of a male child as opposed to a female. They’re lower- maintenance, dumber, emotionless, and you don’t have to kick a high school jerkoff’s ass when you catch him over your house to see your daughter. Actually, I take back that last part, that would probably be pretty fun. Also, most importantly, a boy offers that glimmer of hope that someday he could grow up and be the athlete you never were. And in some ways, that speaks to your athleticism. Or you’ll convince yourself of it.
The dude in the above video knows this. The 38-year-old Long Island father of four found out they were having a boy at a gender revelation party (seems unnecessary but ok). In the split second in between finding out the gender and hitting his head on the wood floor, a montage appeared before his eyes of him and his son playing catch together and laughing over a good dick joke. Ah, what a day to be that guy.