The FCC Just Took A Cleveland Steamer On Verizon’s Chest—Verizon Responds With Saltiest Statement Ever

After spending unknown fortunes in an attempt to persuade the FCC to allow them to create ‘fast lanes’ on the Internet, Verizon’s hopes of throttling everyone who doesn’t pay up got shut down today in a 3-2 vote by the Federal Communications Commission to reclassify ISP’s as ‘common carriers’ under Title II of the 1934 Communications Act.

What this means for you? Not a whole lot. In the future there might have been scenarios where in order to access your favorite websites at high speeds you would have had to shell out a lot more money to Verizon and other Internet Service Providers, or vice versa the websites would have had to pay more. But this vote provides a lot more protection to people paying the ISP’s and those running websites.

Verizon, Time Warner and others were all banking on the vote turning out differently and them getting to squeeze us all for every penny possible, and they threw ungodly sums of money lobbying for their preferred outcome. Alas, the lobbying failed and they’re all left munching on sour grapes. But just how sour are those grapes? This sour: Verizon sent out a press release written on a typewriter, dated 1934, pissing and moaning about the FCC’s decision to ram it up their asses.

To read the statement in full you can click here, or check it out below:

From ABC News:

Verizon is so worked up over net neutrality that the company has fired off a scathing statement written in type-writer font to protest the Federal Communications Commission imposing “1930s Rules on the Internet.”

The FCC today voted 3-2 to reclassify Internet service providers as common carriers under Title II of the 1934 Communications Act.

Today’s decision is unlikely to change your daily Internet habits and instead helps preserve the status quo, which some companies were pushing to change by offering tiered subscription plans.

Verizon called the vote a “throwback Thursday” for the FCC and said passing “badly antiquated regulations is a radical step that presages a time of uncertainty for consumers, innovators and investors.”

Challengers of net neutrality have expressed worry that regulating the Internet could impact what has become an important part of the economy.

I can practically taste the salt coming off those pages, and I love it:

[ABC News via reader tip from PKDub]