How was your weekend? Get crazy? Do some regrettable shit? Well, whatever you did, at least you didn’t overindulge in caffeinated alcoholic beverages, steal a boat and get arrested. Jonathan Race saw everyone else having a wild weekend and that’s when he stepped up to the plate and said, “Hold my Four Loko.” Race got blitzed off of some Four Loko, blacked out, stole a boat, and crashed it onto a beach. I remember my first Four Loko.
We take you to Michigan, JUST KIDDING! Of course this story happens in Florida. That is where Race broke into the Daytona Marina and Boat Works and stole a stole a 36-foot boat named “Ethel Jeanne” on Saturday around 4:45 in the morning. The stolen boat joy ride ended abruptly when the boat plowed into the beach at full-speed. I guess you could say, that’s when an intoxicated Jonathan Race, hit rock bottom.
Young Jonathan exited the beached boat and he would have gotten away with his crimes, but he made one small error. The slight miscalculation that Mr. Race made was to leave his pants on the disabled boat. His pants had his cellphone, his wallet, and his driver’s license. With all of that incriminating evidence, police were able to quickly track down Race.
Police found Race at his home and he told authorities that he had no recollection of stealing a boat or crashing it. He told cops that he blacked out and the last thing he remembered was drinking a couple Four Loko drinks at a 7-Eleven across from the marina. Whatever floats your boat or doesn’t. He added that he was “just making stupid decisions.” Another interesting development from this whole situation is that Race said he woke up wearing a pair of blue shorts that “didn’t belong to him.”
So many unanswered questions! Why did he take his pants off while navigating a stolen boat? Who owns the blue shorts that he woke up wearing? How didn’t he die? How many Four Lokos did he drink to get that fucked up?
Race was been charged with two counts of burglary and one count of grand theft. He is being held at Volusia County Jail on $8,500 bond
Marketing pitch: “Four Loko, because no great boat theft joy ride story ever started with someone eating a salad.”
[Fox35]