This is gonna feel so great.
The next time you are at the dentist, and he or she clips the paper towel on you, and lowers down your chair, then asks you to open wide, right when they hover over your mouth, ball up your fist and pop him or her right in the fucking face.
BAM. BAM. Two shots. Right to the check.
“That’s for fucking telling me to floss, you fuck,” you’ll say, then casually stroll out without paying your co-pay.
Because your dentist, who has been telling you all this time to floss, was just up his or her own ass. Turns out flossing doesn’t do fucking dick.
Or at least, more accurately, there’s no proof it does dick. From The Associated Press:
The federal government has recommended flossing since 1979, first in a surgeon general’s report and later in the Dietary Guidelines for Americans issued every five years. The guidelines must be based on scientific evidence, under the law.
Last year, the Associated Press asked the departments of Health and Human Services and Agriculture for their evidence, and followed up with written requests under the Freedom of Information Act.
When the federal government issued its latest dietary guidelines this year, the flossing recommendation had been removed, without notice. In a letter to the AP, the government acknowledged the effectiveness of flossing had never been researched, as required.
It’s bullshit. And since the government is too lazy to do it, the AP took a look at all available research. They found there really is nothing to prove flossing does anything.
The AP looked at the most rigorous research conducted over the past decade, focusing on 25 studies that generally compared the use of a toothbrush with the combination of toothbrushes and floss. The findings? The evidence for flossing is “weak, very unreliable,” of “very low” quality, and carries “a moderate to large potential for bias.”
“The majority of available studies fail to demonstrate that flossing is generally effective in plaque removal,” said one review conducted last year. Another 2015 review cites “inconsistent/weak evidence” for flossing and a “lack of efficacy.”
Man, I’m gonna sock my dentist so fucking hard.
I highly recommend you do, too.