If you’re like me, you have food in your fridge older than Subway Jared’s ex. I pulled out a carton of milk the other day that literally yelled at me to get off its lawn. Granted, I had eaten a few “spoiled” mushrooms, but that’s neither here nor there.
But I’m a skeevy guy. If something is past its expiration date, I can’t get in the mindset tot enjoy it so I typically throw that shit out. And I’m not the only one. As Daily Mail points out a third of the food produced in the world is thrown away needlessly every year. That amounts to 1.3 billion tons. Are half the weight of your mother.
Daily Mail put together a comprehensive list of foods that are safe to eat post-expiration date, and foods that you should avoid consuming if you don’t want your ass to burn. Check them out below.
ALCOHOL
Alcohol takes years to go bad, especially hard spirits like vodka and whiskey. You can drink skunked beer without any health side effects other than the putrid taste drinking skunked beer. Hey, anything for a buzz.
Cream-based liqueurs are the only exception. I’d stay away from Bailey’s and Saint Brendan’s past expiration date unless you want to be peeing out your butt.
CHOCOLATE
Chocolate may grow white spots known as ‘bloom’ past it’s best by date, but this is just crystallized sugar and is absolutely fine to eat.
CHIPS
The salt that covers most chip products allows them stay out of harms way. They may taste a bit soggy and are best to eat within weeks of the expiration date, but you won’t get sick. Trust me, I ate a bag of chips the other day that expired when Bush was in office. Bush Senior.
EGGS
As Daily Mail points out, eggs can last for three to five weeks but they have to be kept at a temperature below 41 degrees Fahrenheit to prevent the growth of Salmonella enteritidis.
One way to check if your eggs are safe to eat is by putting them in a jug of cold water, according to Cosmopolitan magazine. If they sink, they’re fresh; if they don’t, throw them away.
If they sit on the bottom but point upwards, they’re on the turn.
CHEESE
The only cheese safe to eat after its best-before date are hard cheeses like cheddar or parmesan. These can last from 3-6 weeks, even if the outside turns moldy, the inside should be okay.
Do not, under any circumstance, eat soft cheeses like cream cheese long after its best by date. Your stomach will turn on you.
MILK
Contrary to popular belief, drinking sour milk will not make you ill, but you are probably ill in the head if you’re drinking sour milk.
If you need to keep milk fresher longer, put it in the back of the fridge where its coldest.
MEAT
Meat is a dicey one, because it can make you sick to your stomach if consumed when its gone bad. You can eat meat if it’s past its expiration date for at least two days, but anything after that, you’re playing with fire.
SEAFOOD
Never eat seafood past its expiration date. Food poisoning awaits you.
DRY PASTA
As long as it’s in an airtight container where moisture cannot leak in, you can eat pasta whenever the fuck you want.
PROCESSED MEATS (Hot dogs, salami, cured meats)
This is risky because of listeria, which is found at food processing plants where processed meats are packaged. It thrives in cold environments, so even keeping it in the coldest parts of your fridge would probably lose the battle against the shits.
So there you have it bros. A little Kitchen 101 for ya. For those who want to learn more about food health, head over to Daily Mail…