Genius Creates A ‘Jesus The Messiah’ Tinder Profile And Learns Quickly That Girls Want To Sex A Deity

Every dude on Tinder in and around the Boston area should just delete their account, unless they want to go toe-to-toe with the Messiah. We’ve been waiting for an encore performance from Jesus of Nazareth for over 2,000 years and we should have known the dude would make his comeback on Tinder, looking for some much needed sinning. God is good and all, but its kinda got to be a bit of a buzzkill being so virtuous all the time. Even Jesus isn’t immune to accruing a little dust on his D. Even Jesus needs some strange.

Some eCards


Some eCards


As if it even needs to be said, Jesus is racking up the matches and probably getting cockblocked by Judas as I type this.

Some eCards


Save some for the rest of us, Jesus. Aren’t you supposed to be selfless or some shit? Be better.

[h/t Some eCards]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.