Definitive Guide on How to Get Out of the Friend Zone
There are two ways to get stuck here:
Exhibit A: There was an initial attraction when you first met but nothing was done about it. Had you made a move earlier, you guys would be hookup buddies or dating by now but for some reason, you didn’t and now you’re wishing that you had.
Exhibit B: You’ve known each other forever and have always been good friends. One day, you felt something either in your heart or in your pants for her and now its driving you crazy.
So how do you get out? First, answer the following questions, if you get mostly “No’s” it’s a no go. But if you get three or more “Yes’s?” Game on.
1. She is always making physical contact with you. No/Yes
2. After a few drinks, she acts flirtatious. No/Yes
3. She puts in the effort to look good when she sees you. No/Yes (*Note: It’s adorable if you think she always looks good. But if she shows up to what you’re thinking of as a “lunch date” wearing sweatpants, a messy bun and no make-up, she’s not putting in the effort.)
4. She hangs out with you one-on-one without inviting other people. No/Yes
5. She asks your advice about everything except other guys. No/Yes
Three or more “Yes’s?” Great! So here’s what you do:
Did you already throw it out there and get denied? I know it stings to hear “You’re my best friend! I don’t want to ruin that.. Let’s just be friends.” Begging and pleading will not change her mind. If she still acts really flirtatious, she may honestly cherish your friendship so much that she’s nervous to get physical. Think this through. There are plenty of smutts in the sea. If you’re only interested in sex for a night, don’t ruin the friendship. There are tons of other opportunities for you out there. If you want something more consistent with her, then try out the following.
If you’ve always been there when other guys treated her like shit. Try pulling back a little bit. Not completely, but a little. If you’re always hanging out, texting, calling, tweeting and Facebooking, you give her no time to miss you. Let her come to you occasionally. Don’t you get turned off when girls get super clingy?
The feeling is mutual.
Everyone can benefit from a little self-improvement. One of my best friends in college started working out and suddenly went from the boyish, goofy kid that always wore Quiksilver T-shirts to a man. A man in a tie with drool-worthy biceps. A man that I wanted alone in my locked dorm room.. Mmm. So, hit the gym, eat healthy, start dressing better and she’s bound to notice.
Don’t go out of your way to make her jealous by hitting on girls in front of her and talking about the girls you’re dating. She will either see right through it or just think you’re not interested in her. However, you should be hanging out and hooking up with other girls. If you’re getting texts from other girls or she hears through the grapevine that you hooked-up with so-and-so last weekend, she may start to get a bit jealous. A little jealousy is a good thing, it means that she cares. She may act indifferent but realistically, you probably just became more attractive to her because other girls want you.
Kick the flirting up a notch. Do you make it known that you think she looks good on a night out? A simple “wow” can go a long way. Comment on her perfume, her clothes, whatever. Bitches love being told they’re pretty. Also, you should get a bit more physical. Touch her arm during convo and grab her waist. Don’t try to hold her hand or brush the hair out of her face, yet.
Ask her to hang out one-on-one. Casually ask her to chill one day to do something that you were planning on doing anyway. Like watch a game, grab a beer or run some errands. A good friend (and good future girlfriend) would totally be down to help you pick out a birthday gift for your sister or drink a few beers while the games on. Remember, it’s not a date so steer clear of inviting her to dinner or the movies. On your non-date, talk and flirt with her as if you were on a first date.
If that goes well, do it again and maybe a third time and then make your big move. At this point you should be able to tell if she’s really into you or not. Some hints: Is she touchier? More flirtatious? Talking to you about personal stuff? If you’re nodding along as you read, then you’ve done well, grasshopper. To seal the deal, you need that big move that ends up being a game changer. Don’t choke and miss your second chance! The next time you’re out together and you see the perfect opportunity, seize it. Tell her how you feel and if you’re not good with words, kiss her. Just do it.
Before you start bitching at me in the comments section that it’s not as easy as I made it out to be above, be honest with yourself. Did you answer the questions I gave you truthfully? If she has never given you reason to believe that she is interested, than none of my advice will work. If you once caught her eye f*cking you, you got this.