If I ever catch someone live tweeting a first date I’m on, I’m prepared to do 25 to life for murder. No one needs to know that I go straight for the butt stuff questions before I know her last name. That’s a tough look but I simply cannot help myself.
A girl who was presumably sitting by herself at a sushi restaurant (fucking loser man!) live tweeted a cringeworthy first date with a dude whose name is likely Chad. The dude is a first-ballot Hall of Fame douchebag and if my future daughter ever dates a guy like this, I’ll throw her up for adoption no questions asked.
Check out the cornucopia of douchebaggery below:
There's a couple on their first date at this sushi place and the guy announced "I don't look at menus. And I'm ordering for us." Girl.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Now he's asking the sushi chefs if they have different fish. They don't have what he wants, which is "going to be a major problem."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
If only there was some way he could have known this before hand.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Omg the waitress asked what kind of wine he wanted and he said "you're the aficionado, you tell me."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
He asked his date if she wanted dry wine. She said "sake." He said "sweetie I can't make all the decisions for us." She said "…sake?"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Omfg he asked the chef if they had giant clam. They said no. He asked the waitress. She said no. He said " I don't look at menus."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
The waitress is now dictating the menu to him and his date looks oddly unfazed?
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Oh no he just said something I won't repeat but it started with "any blonde woman that looks at me…"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
"When I was 19 on my promotion tour, the locals introduced me to Japanese food and I was hooked." He clarified San Francisco locals.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
"When I was 19 on my promotion tour, the locals introduced me to Japanese food and I was hooked." He clarified San Francisco locals.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
He asked for deep fried shrimp heads. They don't have it.
Waitress: do you want a menu sir?
The man and I together: I don't look at menus— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Update: this is not a first date, but I am still positive this is a BAD date.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
She has a ring on but he doesn't but I want to tell her "marriage is just paper you can still leave him. I've seen it happen."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Wow I'm not sure what I missed but he said "This is why you're both miserable. Put that in the back of your little head."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Oh but he followed with "I don't care what people say. Words don't matter unless you give them power." I have some powerful words for him
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
He chewed up the skin of his edamame!!!!!!!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Found out what he was promoting at 19. He's a DJ!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Their food came.
Her: will you tell me what this is?
Him: no, you just eat it.— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
She picked up chopsticks and he slapped them out of her "YOU DON'T EAT SUSHI WITH CHOP STICKS"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
She tried to use chopsticks again and this time he said "DON'T EMBARRASS ME"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Omg omg omg he said one of his brothers (could have meant friend) is in jail for 25 murders. He threw it out so casually.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
He is "introducing himself to a cigarette" outside so I'm going to leave. Thanks for tuning in! We made it!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Shoot me in the face.
[h/t Some eCards]