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Q: My girlfriend recently admitted she still has lingering feelings for a one of her male friends from back home that she hooked up with. She says it’s because they weren’t in a relationship when she liked him and there wasn’t any closure. I asked if she wanted to be with him and she stated that she knows it wouldn’t work with him, how he’s just like her exes, and how she wants to be with me and is happy with our current relationship. I went to her hometown, met him, and I know they communicate occasionally via Snapchat.
I guess what I’m trying to ask is if this is a red flag and I should be concerned, or if I’m being a paranoid nutcase about this?
A: It’s a yellow flag; you have to wait and see how far she’s willing to go with it, if she’s willing to go anywhere at all. Talking via Snapchat isn’t so bad and neither is having lingering feelings – it happens, she’s only human. Time will pass and those feelings will eventually fade, however talking to him on a semi-regular basis isn’t going to help. You might want to ask her to cut all contact with him because otherwise the chances of those feelings becoming permanent will get higher and higher.
If she refuses to quit talking to him, fine – that’s entirely her choice. But if she starts becoming distant towards you, hiding her phone away and spending more and more time in her hometown? THAT’S when the yellow flag turns into a red one and you might wanna reconsider how strong your relationship may or may not be.
Q: From the perspective of a college girl, what is the right way for a guy to initiate strictly sexual relationship, should he be straight forward or play things slowly?
A: Just say straight-up that you’re not looking for anything more than sex. If you guys get down to sexy times for a while and she starts growing feelings you’re going to look like an ass who just uses her for sex and doesn’t want commitment – which is true, because you never told her in the first place that you’re only looking to bang. Avoid looking like a douche by making it clear that you don’t want anything else.
Q: So I recently started dating a chick who’s a virgin. That’s fine and whatever but whenever she gets shitfaced she wants to bang, which is a big problem. I’m not about to take her v card while she’s wasted cause that’s kinda rapey. What do I do?
A: You keep doing what you’ve been doing: not having sex with your girl while she’s drunk. You could also avoid her like the plague when you know she’s been drinking, but that’s probably hard to do since more likely than not the two of you go out drinking together.
Honestly those are really your only two options. I’m assuming you’ve told her already how she is when she’s drunk and she’s said something to the tune of “Oh I’m sorry I’ll stop” and she obviously didn’t – the other option is to have sex with her sober which would make having drunk sex okay at that point, but since you won’t give it to her drunk she likely doesn’t want it sober either.
Q: My girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend (well, now ex-best friend) and I’m pissed. I broke up with my girlfriend, but I don’t know what to do about my friend. We’ve been bros since elementary school and we’re in college now, and I don’t know if I want to give up over 10 years of friendship.
A: Ditch them both, you’re better off without them. Dude’s clearly NOT your best friend if he was willing to bang your girlfriend, right? Friends don’t bang friends’ girlfriends; doesn’t matter if you’ve known him 100 years or 10, that’s not someone you want to keep around you.