Straight-up guys, if you do what poor Reddit user theacorneater did and then think to yourself “Hmm, my butt is burning. Better keep wiping away!” then you’re most likely going to be a future Darwin Award winner. That might sound cool, because y’know, getting your name and story into a book and stuff, until you realize that your name will be immortalized forever for being an idiot. Would you rather die anonymous, or having future generations read about what an idiot you are?
This guy…probably falls under the latter, considering he posted his story to Reddit.
This was three years ago and it was my first time in the United States. I was just used to wiping my butt with toilet paper/water spray device after taking a dump, prior to coming here. So, I moved in to the free room of this apartment; the apartment was already occupied by 2 other people and I was the 3rd person. I had to take a big dump and I found out that there was no toilet paper.
Fortunately, I saw this box labeled “Clorox” containing what I thought were wet wipes. So, I pulled one of the wipes from the cylindrical box and wiped my butt with it. My anus started BURNING, but I kept going on; I had never used wet wipes before. I figured this is usually how it was. It did the job but I later realized that it contained a range of chemicals and it was a disinfectant used for cleaning kitchen stove tops and other dirty surfaces. Never again did I use clorox for wiping my butt.
Lesson learned.
[H/T Reddit]