The Hamptons Are Not Happy the Kardashians Have Arrived
You know the old hypothetical, “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”
This story is sort of like this. What happens when the most insufferable people in the world collide with… well, the most insufferable people in the world?
The people who reside in the Hamptons are not happy the Kardashians are in the Hamptons this summer.
Let’s just noodle over that one for a second while you work your job to provide food for yourself to live.
The Hamptons are home to Ina Garten. And every product ever sold at Williams-Sonoma. Home to the kind of people who would publicly giggle if their rosé wasn’t chilled to exactly 56 degrees, then privately order a hit on their personal sommelier who served that dog shit to their guests.
The Kardashians are the same fucking people. But they are in the BUCOLIC HAMPTONS to film a reality show and that just doesn’t jive with Rutherford R. Richpants.
Irma Herzog, owner of the Driver’s Seat restaurant on Job’s Lane, has been bombarded with snide comments on the Internet — and by fellow Southamptonites to me — since she rented the space next door to the Kardashians for the Dash boutique they opened on Monday.
That’s so delightfully Hamptons. Anonymously bitching to Page Six. But at least some of them have the balls to go on record about the heinous, traitorous acts committed by Herzog.
Asked if he would boycott the Driver’s Seat, advertising mogul Jerry Della Femina, who sold his oceanfront East Hampton house last year, told me, “Forget about the Driver’s Seat. People are going to avoid Southampton! [Irma] should be brought up on charges.”
WE NEED ANOTHER NUREMBERG RIGHT NOW. How can we expect the Hamptons to heal–to move on–if JUSTICE isn’t served. But that comment by Della Femina wasn’t nearly insensitive enough. Think you can do better, MR. MOGUL?
“I view [the Kardashian situation] like people viewed the plague in the Middle Age. I just want to survive it.”
For reference, the Black Death killed an estimated 100 million people. This situation is immeasurably worse because, heavens to fucking, fucking, fucking Betsy, it is killing the Hamptons’ brand.
“The Kardashians really repulse people because they are cheapening the [Hamptons] brand,” [author Steven] Gaines said. “Thank God they are only staying for three months.”
THANK THE FUCKING LORD, WHO HAS CLEARLY REVERTED TO HIS VENGEFUL, OLD TESTAMENT STATE.
Perhaps people from the Hamptons should look inward, and see why God is tormenting them.
Team Kardashian times a billion on this one.