This Guy’s Massage Parlor Happy Ending Was Going Swell Until He Looked Down And Saw What Was ACTUALLY Going On

by 3 years ago
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At the time of me writing this I’ve heard exactly 500 stories where back-alley massage parlor handjobs ended up as fuel for your nightmares down the road and 0 where they actually…well, ended happily. The way I see it, you could take your chances and pay $65 to be potentially scarred for life, or you could just pay $0 and jerk yourself off. But what do I know? I’ve never paid for a happy ending like Redditor Poorbelter has, although I’m sure after the shittastic experience he had he won’t be going back for seconds.

A little description about myself before I continue my story.

• 20-year-old male
• virginity is strong
• American born Chinese
• visiting China; vacation
• not fluent in Chinese (Mandarin)

Long Story:

Anyway, at approximately 5:25 PM, on a Friday, my cousin had voice called me on QQ (China’s version of Skype), recommending me to visit a legitimate massage parlor (I have been incredibly sick throughout the entire week; lung infection). Apparently, in Chinese tradition, a massage, and drinking boiling water will cure ALL diseases (sarcasm).

Fast forward, 20-minutes-later, I threw on a polo t-shirt, skinny-fit jeans, and a leather jacket, then I headed outside. Now, the city that I am located in has two major streets, packed with various Chinese ‘mom & pop’ restaurants, and miscellaneous stores. Already walked halfway down the dirt road, on the first street, I noticed a stained picture sign of a white lady rubbing a man’s back, plastered on the window pane of a shabby, rundown building, and a rusty metal fence that blocked the inside view. I walked into the massage parlor, only to be greeted by a Chinese lady. Moments later, a pot-bellied bald man had appeared from behind the curtains of a room. The sketchy man had requested my purpose. I responded in broken Chinese, informing the man that I sought after a massage. No fucking joke, the bald-headed guy stated in nearly perfect English, “Happy ending?”

Originally, my only intention of visiting a massage parlor was to receive a legitimate massage. However, since I was already here, and I was prepared to lose my virginity, I gave up my integrity, and said fuck it. I smiled, then gracefully nodded, handing the sketchy man ¥400 RMB (equivalent to $65 USD). The pot-bellied man informed me in Chinese, stating that he’ll select his best employee. Afterward, the greeting lady had led me into the 3rd room, opposite direction of the receptionist table counter. The greeting lady had given me a pair of robes and a towel, then informed me to undress, only to leave me by myself. This wasn’t my first massage so I knew the basic procedure. After I undressed and wore the uncomfortable satin, I laid face-front on the cushioned tabletop.

15-minutes later (I think, only to be fatigued from waiting so long), I hear the lady’s footsteps, hand washing, and the aroma of burning incense, do I finally feel the womanly touch of her hands caressing my back. Moments later, I felt an oily sensation, and the towel wrapped around my waist being untied. Now, prior to my “dingleling” being fondled, I had already grew a chubby in the nether region. As the lady pulled my half-erect penis between my legs, I felt her fingertips massaging my foreskin. Fast forward, 5-minutes later, when I had already pre-ejaculated, and gradually moaning louder, I asked in broken Chinese, “How much for penetration?” She stopped; dead silence. Momentarily, I slowly raised my head, and turned around, only to be facing an elderly man. I jumped up and screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK!?” Later on, I was informed by the bald man, at the receptionist table, that the elderly man, with feminine hands, was legally blind. How does that make my situation even better? Anyway, I received a compensation for ¥200 RMB, because the man at the receptionist table had concluded that I was a homosexual, judging from my skinny-fit jeans, and double pierced earlobes. Fuck my life.

TL;DR: I visit a shady massage parlor to experience a “happy ending,” only to UNEXPECTEDLY receive a penis jerk session from a legally blind elderly man.

Silly boy, don’tcha know that if he’s blind it doesn’t count?

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[Via Reddit, header image via Shutterstock]


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