Hopkins Lax Bro Exacts Revenge on Bitch Girlfriend in Best Way, Plus A Story You Won’t Believe
Ok, so when in High School as a senior in 2009 i was riding high you can say on a scholarship for lacrosse to Johns Hopkins University.
During the summer, my family heads up north to Cape Cod where our summer home is. So we go up there as usual and the second night there’s a huge party at a nearby friend from high schools house. Perfect.
After a couple beers I see this absolutely stunning girl that looked straight from a Victoria's Secret magazine. Lets call her Blondie. We make eye contact and I could tell from that moment it was going down tonight. So after many more beers I blackout and find myself being ridden at 3 in the morning in my friends house. I look up and to my joy it was the girl i'd first noticed when she walked in! So we get into it and the rest is history.
Fast-forward to my freshman year at JHU. I obtained a girlfriend who was a total bitch. So it’s May 4th and we just pulled of a huge win against cross to rival Loyola. Sick feeling, but the after party that night brought the real fun. We pre gamed before in a teammates dorm room and then it was off to the party.
We arrive, and it’s literally Loyola kids mixed in with Johns Hopkins. Probably after more then I should have had, I spot this girl from across the room and I get the same feeling I got when I first saw Blondie in Cape Cod. And to my absolute pleasure it was her! She had gone to Loyola and I had no idea of that because we barely said one word that summer so I had no idea who she was.
We quickly hinted to the bedroom and off we were.
After about 20 minutes, my girlfriend arrives and she walks right in on us and sees me going for broke inside this others chick. Needless to say, it’s one hell of an effective way to get rid of a bitchy girlfriend.
Here’s your “NO WAY IN FUCK IS THIS TRUE, But It Possibly Could Be True Becuase None of Us Were There” Story of the Week.
I got my first Blow Job ever on 11/11/12.
Background: I had dated a girl through the first two years of college. She was a good girl, smart, funny, sexy, had tons of hot friends for my bros. All the best shit except she NEVER would go down on me.
So as a young bro, getting constant pussy was good enough for me. We broke up at the end of August. About a week ago I found out that she had been cheating on me for the last 3 months of our relationship with some GDI.
So the whore got kicked to the curb, I moved on an here we are.
This girl's mom was a hotter sluttier version of her daughter. During our relationship, the mom flirted with me on and off. I always just shook it off as her being friendly. While at home last weekend I ran into her mom and she and I talked, she invited me over for dinner and drinks.
I arrive at the house. We have some wine, eat some food, talk. All of a sudden the discussion turns to sex and what her daughter and I did. I told her I had never gotten dome from her daughter.
In a matter or seconds, I shit you not, my ex's mom crawled under the table, unzipped my fly and gave me the my first blow job. Needless to say it was incredible. I finished, we had dessert, kept drinking and had sex long into the night. And twice the next morning.
In the end, I win.
Look, I know how not feasible this all seems but think about all the teachers out there, cheating on their husbands to fuck minors – MINORS WITH NO DICK CONTROL – and tell me that this story doesn’t have at least a plausible shot at being true. I don’t want to believe it either because nothing this blatantly awesome has ever happened to me, but all I’m saying is IT COULD.
It was the second day of classes this fall, my sophomore year, and most people had already been back at college a week or so to party and get settled in to their apartments. It was a summer Friday in South Carolina, and my apartment complex had picked a perfect day to plan their back-to-school pool party.
The party got going around 2 p.m., which we could see and hear from our apartment, and after a frantic beer run and funnel competition we finally got out there around 3 o'clock. The girls were as hot as the sun, the water was cool, and the beer was ice cold.
Once in the water, my roommates and I quickly struck up a conversation with our female neighbors, who we had met a couple times during the past week's inebriation. The three of them we had met so far were pretty attractive and my roommate had already hooked up with one Through the course of a dozen beers I alternated my attention between two of them and at some point started making out with the one my roommate got with (didn't know it at the time). I even watched her make out with her two friends, but at separate times.
By 4 o'clock there were four or five hundred college kids in and around the pool, and I had yet to see my buddy who I was hoping to see, and determining that he must be in his apartment I insisted that my girl and her even hotter roommate come with me to roust him. Amid comments from both of them about me being a striking gentleman, on the way I started making out with her friend right in front of this girl. Ballsy move, but the first one just looked jealous and stuck her tongue in my mouth as soon as we were done. Standing outside my buddy's place and hammering on the door for him to come out proved fruitless (as it turns out, the asshole was out golfing), and I ended up initiating a three-way makeout, secretly hoping he’d out right then. He didn't so we made our way back to the pool. As we passed the beach volleyball court, I grabbed them both and began making out again. This was by far the funniest moment of the entire day because the whole volleyball game stopped, and the kid holding the ball let his mouth hang open when I turned around and he just said “Dude. You're a fucking dog.” I grinned back and we went and jumped in the pool.
Twenty minutes after we left to get that dumbass, there were girls chicken-fighting in the pool, trying to pull each other's tops off and me trying to convince one of these girls to get on my shoulders and join, but to no avail.
All of a sudden a chant erupted, no more than 5 or so guys, barely audible over the party noise, began to chant “Show Your Tits,” but alas, this too failed before long. A mere second later, it was refabricated by the football team who began chanting “Tits out for the team, tits out for the team” with a cool beat and then most of the other dudes there started chanting and five seconds later we were all chanting “SHOW YOUR TITS!” at the top of our lungs. With some protest, the girl must have thought fuck it and pulled it off, and then everyone began cheering and splashing. Then we watched as not one, but six or seven girls followed in succession, some more than happy to reveal God's gift to them and now the world, some more hesitant, ending when one flat out refused and broke the trend. I decided this was the opportune moment to take my girls back to their place. The blonde seemed to want me more so I let her drag me into her room, leaving the brunette in the common room. Sixty seconds later I made a proposition to blondie and came back with her friend in tow. Swimsuits cam off quickly and I began fucking blondie on her bed while the girls made out. I switched to the brunette (to my pleasant surprise, much tighter). The brunette also had better tits so after a lot of experimenting I finished inside her. Didn’t have a condom, but she said she was on birth control and blondie unfortunately, wasn’t. We all ended up in a twister game of sorts, my favorite position actually being them blowing me together. They took turns, and experimented in various combinations of teamwork. Though both were good, comparisons were made.
An hour and a half later I bid them adieu to allow them to sleep off the day's debauchery and went to my apartment to drink more beer (it wasn’t even night yet) and make myself a fat BLT. I didn’t even care that I was the one making it, because as far as I was concerned, they had already made me a sandwich.
Full disclosure: No idea if that last one was any good. I didn't read it. I know that's like my job and shit, but I'm out of town and I was in no mood and if it sucked I really cannot be to blame. I hope it didn't suck, I sincerely hope that. So keep please keep that in mind.
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