This ‘How Often People Masturbate’ Chart Seems Just a Touuuuuuch Inaccurate

By 05.30.14

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Some dude named Brandon (our two Brandon’s claim it is not them) wrote into some broad named Mona at FiveThirtyEight and asked if jerking off more than once per day made him a monster. I didn’t read her answer — I’ve got no time for other people’s opinions on how reasonable it is for me to jerk off till my forearm explodes — but if it was anything other than “no” she should lose her job, because she’s the monster, not Brandon. (You keep giving it all you got, kid. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you.)

Anyway, in the article (which, again, I have not read) she drops this chart of how often people of certain ages and genders grope themselves to completion. It made me say, “Well, that can’t be right.” Can it be, though? You mean to tell me that over half of the male population ages 18 – 50 only crank it a few times a year or less?

Goddamn. You learn something new everyday. Even if what you just learned is off of a chart comprised of stats compiled from an ocean of lies. You heard me, LIES.

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[H/T Mr. T, Image of guy about to masturbate ShutterStock]


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