How to Hook Up With That Seemingly Unattainable Girl On Campus, Plus Another Bro Gets Friend Zoned
Q: I was doing community service the other day by helping work our school's women's basketball team's game, and I noticed this girl on the court who was extremely hot and I realized I had partied with her over Spring Break last year and that we were friends on Facebook. I have literally not talked to her once since, I never see her on campus, and I think all the girls' players party with that guy's team. I'm in a frat and I've never really had a hard time getting the job done before but how do I make this work?
A: Crossing over frat lines into athlete territory can indeed be treacherous. You have to walk the walk, memorize the playbook, and ideally be able to dunk in order to shed the frat aura that undoubtedly surrounds your existence. On top of that, you've still got to impress this girl long enough to steal her gaze from the 6'8'' Bros she shares the practice court with… It's a taboo move; but taboo can be sexy. Not necessarily when taken to extremes, like cannibalism or uncircumcised penises–but I think this is one you can overcome.
When it comes down to it, you guys just need to meet on neutral ground, avoiding the court or the House. Find a comfortable Canada-esque zone of your college town and take her on a good old-fashioned date. Start fresh, no teams or Greek letters attached.
Q: I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years now. Recently, one of my best friends expressed his opinion that I could do better. Now, this isn't the first time that this crossed my mind, but hearing it from someone else planted a seed that is rapidly growing in my brain. During my freshman year I went through a similar phase with her, we broke up, I slept around, and we ended up getting back because we really missed each other. If I do break up with her again it's going to have to be final. Is it wrong that such a superficial thing is ruining my relationship?
A: Shame on you, superficial breau. Being so easily swayed about the validity of your half-decade long relationship, based solely on surface reasons conjured by your single bros…doesn't speak much in your favor. If you honestly believed you could do better, you would've cut the ties by now — and you should have, rather than letting your girlfriend live in a blissfully ignorant bubble of love. Either make the leap or make the commitment; but do it based on your own gut.
Q: How do girls view potential guys that their roommates have invited over? There's this girl with more fun and attractive roommates who's invited me to a couple of their house parties where her roommates have been heavily flirting with me and I've responded in a similar fashion. Is this because they're actually interested or is this not going anywhere because I was invited over by this girl?
Basically, do girls have dibs among friends/roommates or is it a toss-up?
A: Girls sometimes do stake claims, which is especially scary when you consider that they've got estrogen and sharp nails to back up their threats.
I'm not saying girls always draw a line in the sand when they decide who gets who, but I'm also not saying they're above shaving their legs into a potential competitor (roommate's) pillow.
I always advise that dudes do their best to avoid becoming the center of a friend conflict– because while it may seem like a good time now, you won't feel the same way when your own pillowcase is filled with leg hair— from two different girls.
Q: So I'm a pretty good looking guy who has missed his window of opportunity to get with this one girl that I have liked for a while, and now I'm stuck in the friend zone. Is it worth asking her out even if it might jeopardize our friendship? Also what if she has an equally hot sister?
A: From where I'm standing the sister looks like your best bet. You don't want to actively fuck up a friendship, and pursuing her sister will either wake up her or just provide you with an exciting new fling. Either way you're getting laid, so it really seems like a win-win.
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