Man Divorces Wife Because Of Her Deformed Nipples–Hopes To Receive Half Dollars In Alimony

Nipples are great. Huge fan of nipples. Its the only word in the English language that is just as fun to say as it is to play with. Nip-ple. Nipples are to boobs as cherries are to cakes. Meaning I’ll take one suck of the cherry and my girlfriend will put the cake back in the box and tell me I’ve had enough for the night. But I digress.

Nonetheless, nipples are important in a relationship. Communication, sacrifice, and nipple-to-boob ratio are the three most important things in a  successful marriage, according to Dr. Phil. Actually my friend, Phil said that but he’s not a doctor. He’s unemployed. And divorced, twice over.

But divorcing your wife solely because her nipples didn’t live up to your standards may be a first for humanity.

A dude in Australia used “deformed” nipples in a court of law as the excuse to reduce the amount he owed to his wife in divorce proceedings, according to the Canberra Times.

He argued that he had been unhappily married since 1975, when he discovered her disfigurement, but stayed together for the well-being of their three children.

He wrote in the affidavit,

“The person I lived with before our marriage was a fake, an illusion. I did not see her breasts, until late 1974 [when] I discovered [she] had a physical disfigurement. If I had seen them before I would not have married her. If she had not been pregnant I would have sought a divorce in 1975. As far as I was concerned, I wanted out in ’75.”

The judge described the man as “self-absorbed” and said the husband was nip-picking (**nit-picking) during the proceedings, and said that disfigurement was not legal grounds for divorce.

The real crime here is that the dude first saw his wife’s rack after her married her. I’m no lawyer, but that sounds like negligence.

[H/T Canberra Times]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.