Toilet paper companies have it rough. Unlike most other consumer products on the market, they can’t really boast about how much better their specific offering will make your life. They are forced to dance delicately; they have to say things without coming right out and actually saying them. It’s not like Charmin or Cottonelle or Scott (if you’re poor or have no respect for your butt hole) can advertise about how their toilet paper is strong and unbreakable while also providing the pillowy softness your shit cooker wants and needs.
It’s a difficult balance to create a commercial like that. Takes a real ad wizard. On the one hand, you want people to not be disgusted by your message, but on the other hand consumers need to know that their asshole is priority number one. They need to know that it’s the last thing you think about at night and the first thing you think about in the morning. Whether you’re being intimate with your lover or brushing your teeth, consumers need to know that the health and comfort of their asshole consumes your every thought. That’s what you have to convey in your ads. Tall order if you ask me.
Well, thanks to FatAwesome, that commercial now exists. At least until Charmin’s legal department sees it and goes after the fine folks who made it.