People Shared The WTF Things That Made Them ‘NOPE’ Out Of A Sexual Encounter And GOOD GOD

By 03.01.17

Do you all remember that scene in Dodgeball when Vince Vaughn swung by Christine Taylor’s house and every inch of the home was covered in unicorns? If that was real life then Vince Vaughn would’ve NOPE’d his way out of there in a matter of seconds. Below, a bunch of people shared stories of the most WTF things that caused them to NOPE their way out of a sexual encounter in a matter of seconds, and some of these are truly bizarre so get ready to have your mind hole blown (via AskReddit):


FirmlyThatGuy:
Girl in college asked me if I could pick up a specific cologne for our date. As it wasn’t too expensive and I didn’t currently have one I agreed.
Fast forward to the end of the date, she comes to take my shirt off and says “mmm you smell like my dad”.
I was out.


This would make any normal human being (currently in the act of having sex) run for the hills as fast as possible, and I’m glad this person NOPE’d the fuck out of there immediately.

1kSuns:
Her son coming into the room and sitting down to play Xbox, and her telling me it was OK to keep going.


Landlubber77:
I had a one night stand the night before my brother’s wedding and found out mid-thrust that the girl whose pussy was currently wrapped around my dick was my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s married sister. As I gave my best man speech the next night all I could do was look at that poor bastard sitting there with a big smile on his face laughing at all my jokes. My ball sack knows what your wife’s butt crack feels like man, stop smiling at me.
About a year later they got divorced because she wound up getting assfucked by the guy who cleaned their pool and gave her husband chlamydia, and I thanked the good lord for creating condoms and Darwin for giving me the good sense to use one.


respecteduser 9355 points 3 days ago
I was on vacation in the Dominican shortly after graduating high school with 5 of my friends. Met this cute Bolivian girl on our resort and we hit it off, few hours later I’m in her room. We’re going at it, she repositions onto her hands and knees and tells me to put it in her ass. I ask for lube and she hands me a bottle. I was giddy with excitement cause I had always wanted to do anal. I lather both of us up and slowly slide in, but she had clearly done this a few times before- now I’m pumping her hard and have thrown caution to the wind. We hear a key card go into her door and the handle turn..she frantically whispers “novio” (boyfriend) and I realize I have about 3 seconds before I get my ass beat. I pull out at lighting speed and she yelps, liquid shit sprays all over my stomach and dick, I grab my shorts off the floor and run out the balcony door and hop the ledge. Thank GOD that room was on the first floor. I don’t think the guy chased me but I sprinted anyway, still very naked and definitely covered in shit. I cleaned myself in the ocean and hit the bar.


I_need_otters:
My supervisor split up with his girlfriend and she asked me to be her rebound fuck. I don’t shit where I eat so it was a big nope. It was a shame too because she was fucking hot. After I left that job we hooked up.


OscarTheJeep:
Went to a very “alternative”/punk girl’s place for a booty call. She said she wanted to take a bath together and I was all for it. She goes to run water while I finish my drink. We’re getting into it and head to the bathroom. We strip down and I get in the bathtub and sit down. Then I looked up at her and she was pulling razor blades out of a cabinet. She wanted to cut me and have me cut her. NOPE. I’ve never gone from soaking wet to fully clothed and walking down a sidewalk so quickly in my life. I ghosted that girl and have no regrets.


urfuckbuddy:
she pulled out her false teeth and offered me a gummer. lost all the giblets in the front of her mouth in a car accident.
for the sake of contributing to this post, we’ll say I said no.
edit: it was the perfect blowjob. allegedly.


Definitely had this happen to me before. Had to hit the ‘ABORT MISSION’ button immediatley.

Eszerbest:
It wasn’t nearly as bad as most of these, but my puppy walked over, layer down next to my foot, sighed and laid her head down on my foot. It was so damn cute that it made sex super weird. I had to stop immediately.


Happy_Vincent:
She had a wall sized mural of Hitler painted on her bedroom wall.
Edit: this is kind of dishonest because I fucked her anyway. She was really hot.


PerfectXanadu:
During the middle of sex, I asked him to rub the clit. He said he does not like to give women orgasms because then they become emotional and clingy. So I got up, got dressed and left without giving him one either.


This chick was smart to get out of there quick, it’s never good to get Mosby’d.

LettuceJizz:
spooning after first date wild sex, he hugs me like a vice says he’s going to take me to Vegas tomorrow and we’ll get married
he was dead serious
i was a puff of smoke


BurntToast__:
Met a girl at a club and went back to her house. Everything is going fine, nothing out of the ordinary, until her house mate comes home. I was like “maybe we should stop, or at least close the door?”, she replies with “oh no, it’s ok. He likes to listen and sometimes he watches from the hallway”. She wasn’t joking either, I put my clothes back on and walked out, and there he was fapping away in the fucking hallway.


imarrangingmatches:
Had a great first date with this one. A blast! Went back to her place. Started to hit it doggy. She reaches over to her nightstand and pulls out a roll up pouch. Unrolls it and pulls out a syringe. Ask me if I ever tried heroin. Insta-limp dick. I broke the fuck out so quick I don’t even remember getting dressed.


There’s a very good chance some scary ass shit was about to go down…

queerissues:
Got to his place, walked into a room and saw that it was completely bare except for a couple of lights and a tarp spread across the floor. Immediately turned around and walked out the door, got in my car and left.
Dunno what the tarp was for. He was either going to murder me or wanted me to pee on him. Either way, nope. Nope nope nope.


rblue:
Wanted it from behind. Smells like she didn’t wipe in some time. Gagged. Went home and reconsidered my whole life.


IgnanceIsBliss:
We were fucking when all of a sudden I start getting non stop phone calls. I finally look at my phone to see if something is actually wrong. She looks at my phone when I pick it up and tells me not to answer and she has something to tell me. It was her husbands number. She didn’t tell me she was married and her husband looked up who she had been texting and knew she was gone that night.


Mhevert413:
This is my favorite story to tell. I’m a type 1 diabetic and my nickname where I’m from is Diabetes so everyone knows I have it even though some people would still be like, “oh, you’re actually a diabetic?” Anyways….
I met this girl at a house party one of my friends was throwing. This was back in 2010-2011. As the night goes on and drinks get consumed, we get all love drunk and go to bang it out. About halfway through our session, she randomly kicks me off and pushes me away, “stop, stop I can’t do this.” I freak out thinking that I have done something horribly wrong, “what’s going on, what happened?” She looks straight at me and I shit you not says to me, “I just… I can’t catch diabetes.”
All I could think to say was, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Her incredible response and again, I swear on my inability to produce insulin, I’m not making any of this up, this is word for word burned into my memory, “I just, I can’t get diabetes. It’s like cancer, I just can’t catch it.”
By the time she said “cancer” I had my pants back on and was running down the stairs. I get back to the party and all my friends are like, “ohhhhh, look who it is, how was it?” “You will never believe what the fuck just happened to me!”
Tl;dr: my type 1 diabetes not only cockblocked me but is apparently an STD similar to cancer.


cullens_hound:
“Are you circumcised?” “No, I’m not”. “Mmmm I want to lick your dick cheese”.
Instant mood killer.


ButtersGettingHard:
Asked her if she was clean and she said “yeah…it’s a long story but a lot of stuff happened and it turns out that now I can’t get STDs”
I thought to myself, “you know what….nah….i don’t want to have sex that bad” and left.


Reallychelseawow:
Super into this guy. After a few dates we’re at his place.
We’re taking clothes off and he leaves the room to go to the washroom. I’m in bed waiting for him to return and feel something in the bed. It’s a hotdog in a bun, clearly a few days old, maybe older. With the fixings.
He comes in, sees it and my horrified face. Says he’s so sorry, he’ll get rid of it and proceeds to eat it.


D1G1T4LM0NK3Y:
Went to my buddies girlfriends place with him and ended up fingering his GF’s twin sister. She smelled horrible, though I was too drunk to tell until afterwards. I noped out of sex at that moment and we ended up leaving very soon after.
Apparently she smelled so bad my fingers reaked and the guys were gagging in the car on the ride home. So they made me hold my hand out the window the entire ride home…. This was mid winter in Ontario Canada


Metatron_Fallen:
I let a woman take me home from a pub here in Edinburgh. She seemed a little bit sleazy but she had these ‘J’ cup boobs (honestly) that had sort of got stuck in my eye and imagination.
When we got to her place it was about 2am. There were like 7 kids running around in the flat, eating cake and candy and drinking Irn Bru straight from two liter bottles. They were, most of them about 12 or less years of age. Except one sullen 16-17 year old boy who sprawled in a chair staring at me. And a dog running around.
I went to the toilet and there was dog-shit in the bathtub.
The wheels for my mega-boob fantasy night had just fallen off the wagon.
I sort of didn’t know what to do at first. I didn’t want to stay but I didn’t want to tell her in front of her little tribe that I wanted to bail and then have to sit there and wait for a taxi to turn up on the outskirts of the city in a housing estate and risk some sort of confrontation that could turn into a horror show.
So, I went to bed and fooled around a little bit and then claimed to be too drunk. She drove me home in the morning.
No way was I getting involved with that scene.


Hiredgun77:
Had third date sex. Things were going well and then as we’re lying there she says “now that we’re in a relationship I need to be the one in charge. That means no porn and I need to access your Facebook account and email so that I know you aren’t cheating on me.”
I noped outta that one.


Daviska:
as I pulled down her pants, a skull made out of green smelly gas looked me in the eye and screamed as it left the room, a crack of lighting and a old crusty sailor in a raincoat and a hook for a hand laughed and laughed. Her cooter smelled bad enough I told her to sleep on the couch.


F3Q4:
Prior to divorce wife wanted to have unprotected sex out of nowhere (after literally 6 months of refusing to put out) and I suspected she was trying to get pregnant to prevent the impending separation.
Nopenopenope


Verryfastdoggo:
She took off her shoes and the smell could have killed a horse. Nearly killed me. Smelled like a hobo in a recycling room. The mood was killed, I was nearly killed, i left both disgusted and concerned. Pretty girl tho.


Last, but not least!

ryders333:
Her pick up line was “I know a guy who will give us all the meth we can smoke if we fuck in front of him”


Well, bros, that wraps up the coverage from my end but if you want to keep on reading these AskReddit stories you can CLICK HERE to see that thread in full!


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