This ‘Kids Are The Worst’ Instagram Account Is The Best Form Of Contraception Available Today

I know that people who have kids say that they’ve found ‘meaning’ and ‘purpose’ in life after pop out some offspring, and I likely will feel that way too. My colleague Chris Illuminati has. But as I sit here in a room covered in empty Bud Light cans and broken dreams, children couldn’t be further off my radar. I’d be more equipped to combat the Zika virus with a bandaid and a package of vitamic C than I would nurturing a child. But, I think that will all change when I grow out of the ’28-year-old man child’ phase which has lasted about 28 years.

However, after stumbling across this ‘Kids Are the Worst‘ Instagram account, for the first time in my life I’ve been eager to wear a condom. What have I become?

Check out some of the most maddening photos below.

Oh I’m the asshole? How much you pay for those nuggets?

Some kids just want to watch the world burn…

Ok, I’m not even mad. That’s impressive.

Why?

First trip to Chipotle? I get it.


A quick word from our sponsors:

While your bros are out partying…

Do you have any concept of the consequence of your actions?

A fart in your ear is the best way to cure a hangover.

The only thing I’d prefer over a pack of Gushers or Dunkaroos is an icy cold BL.

You’re adopted.

I think I’m content being the drunk uncle for now, thanks though.

Now I need a rewarding aspect of being a father to confirm its not all about putting out fires. This will do.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.