Ketchup is the worst condiment available in refrigerators around the globe. Why? It sucks. It sucks a lot! It sucks so much I can’t even explain why it sucks because I’m not a fucking foodie and I just don’t like ketchup okay? Here’s a ranking of the condiments you’ll find in your fridge right now:
TOP TIER:
- Honey Mustard
- Mustard
- Mayonnaise
—-RELEVANCY LINE—-
- Ranch
- Whatever other stupid dressing you salad-eating losers own
—-LIKE WHY EVEN BOTHER AT THIS POINT—-
1,000,000. Ketchup
See how ketchup is down at the way way bottom, at the millionth spot? That’s how much it sucks. Hell, horseradish is above it somewhere between spots 5 – 999,999 and horseradish is literally made out of dead bodies (I think).
Keep all this in mind while you read this kid’s letter to Michelle Obama about how he wants more ketchup with his school lunch. There’s something wrong with this child. I don’t think we would be friends if I ever met him in real life, although most children hate me as a rule of thumb so that probably goes without saying.
[H/T Opposing Views, ketchup image via Shutterstock]