If you’re going to get arrested for doing cocaine you might as well be wearing the greatest outfit of all time, right? A man in Aspen, Colorado was arrested last weekend and charged with with false imprisonment, possession of cocaine and harassment after he invited a woman to do cocaine with him in the bathroom. The woman was totally down to rip some gator tails of blow but when he tried to double up on lines she declined, and that’s when she said he got weirded out.
The unnamed woman met the man at The Red Onion, a bar in Aspen, as she was walking downstairs to use the restroom. On the stairs she met Marco Madriz-Vergara, 30, of Glenwood Springs, the man who would eventually be arrested for possession of cocaine and false imprisonment. He caught the woman’s eye because he was standing on the stairs wearing a ‘black sombrero, a poncho-style cape and cowboy boots’ according to The Denver Post.
It was on those stairs that the man wearing a sombrero, cape, and cowboy boots asked the woman if she wanted to do some blow in the bathroom to which she agreed…Because who in their right fucking mind would turn down someone in a cape and sombrero offering them free cocaine? It was also around this time that things got weird, which is expected given that the woman took drugs from a complete stranger wearing a sombrero and cape. I’m guessing this is the look he was going for:
Officers responded to a call about a sexual assault at The Red Onion, 420 E. Cooper Ave., at about 1:20 a.m. Saturday and found the 22-year-old victim, who was crying and “seemed scared,” according to a police report.
The woman told police she had been drinking at the bar with friends when she went downstairs to use the bathroom at about 1 a.m. On the stairs, she reported meeting a man wearing a black sombrero, a poncho-style cape and cowboy boots who offered her cocaine.
The woman agreed, and the two entered the men’s bathroom and went into one of the toilet stalls. The two sniffed cocaine off the end of a key.
Madriz-Vergara sniffed more of the drug and offered the woman more, but she declined.
“At this point, (the woman) became ‘weirded out’ and said she felt that what she was doing was wrong,” Officer Ian MacAyeal wrote in the report. “She tried to leave.”
Madriz-Vergara later posted a $4,500 bond and was released from jail, according to court documents.
It just goes to show that you should always know your dealer…right? And that no matter what your brain tells you, a man wearing a sombrero, cowboy boots, and a cape cannot be trusted simply because he dresses like a complete badass.
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