Dude Claims To Be SWIMMING In Trim After Posting Craigslist Ad With Some Insane Demands For A Live-In Girlfriend

By 06.29.16
trim-dude-craigslist-ad

Craigslist


Look, there are a LOT of things I would do for free rent. That’s far and away my biggest expense, and if I gotta suck some stranger dick to do it, Imma do it.

But I live in New York City, the most expensive city in the world. In rural Georgia, where you can get a three bedroom rambler for the cost of a six pack of Sprite and a couple tins of Copenhagen short cut, I probably wouldn’t be sucking stranger dick.

But a dude in Cobb County, Georgia posted an ad offering his house up for free. The only catch? You have to be his girlfriend.

And he’s got some RULES for all you ladies that wanna be his gal.

WHAT I WANT: I’m seeking a non-smoking female that’s probably size 14 or smaller. Look at the pic [aka meme] above with the 5 women. For me #1 is great and #2 is ok but #3 is too large.

Here’s his delightful meme.

meme-woman

Delightful, indeed. It’s also cool if you are less fat, he would like you to know.

Petite and skinny are ok also. You should be drug, disease and drama free [as I am] and have no kids that must come with you [I have none]. You will live in my nice 1967 brick ranch home with me as my girlfriend and possibly be my wife later if you want. I’m not looking for a cook or a maid and I’m NOT looking for JUST a roommate. I’m looking for a Girlfriend/Lifetime companion to do the following with: cuddle while watching movies, shop for groceries, cook, eat, trade massages, kiss, go to concerts, go walking, etc. You must not be an alcoholic, not into illegal drugs, not smoke, not have unresolved felonies and not have a warrant out for your arrest.

Wonder if he did this once before and forget to ask about outstanding warrants and lost the love of his life to some unpaid parking tickets in Tulsa. That’s gotta hurt.

But what about him. What kind of catch is he?

I’m basically retired but I’ve started selling premium concert tickets this year. I’m a 53 year old East Marietta, GA [Cobb County] homeowner. I listed myself as age 49 in the personals to get views from ladies that type in “49-52″ as their max when they do searches, because I look younger than my age in most people’s opinion. Plus more views increase my chances of meeting the right lady. I’m a straight Single White Male, 5’10” tall, with no kids or pets. I have no tattoos or piercings but if you do that’s fine. Considering the sentimental value of me being in the house I grew up in and the facts that I’ve lived in Marietta all of my life, trust the neighbors AND it is paid for, I never plan to move from my current home.

Oh so he lives at home, but it’s cool, his folks have long since left. Or he murdered them and kept their bodies in a fridge in the basement. Which do you think it is? Or more importantly, who gives a shit once you hear about the sweet TV sitch.

I own the house free and clear, in my name only, so I have no rent or mortgage payment. It’s a 3 bedroom with 2 full baths, full basement, double carport, central AC/heat and 2 driveways. It’s in a safe neighborhood 11 miles outside of the I-285 perimeter at exit 267A [Canton Rd]. My house is fully furnished with 2 couches, 3 beds, washer & dryer and everything we need. I have a 42″ Vizio TV on the wall in the living room but I plan to upgrade this year to 65″ with 4K UHD [A man with goals! 😉 ]. I have a nice white remodeled kitchen. The cement floor back porch has been fully enclosed with carpet, paneling, a triple window, drapes, lights and a HVAC vent. It’s a nice room for a pool table, workout equipment, photography studio, massage tables, a large hot tub/jacuzzi or an office depending on what business you are in [if any] or what type of business you might want to start with me [if any]. Join me and let’s decide what we want to do! I have no bed bugs, rodents, fleas or roaches by the way! The house is sealed up pretty tight and I spray around the outside once a year [Free pest control service! 😀 ].

Sounds pretty tight, if by tight you mean terrifying. Hey I’m a single dude who is going to put a massage table and a hot tub in my enclosed carpeted back patio. We can go straight from hot tub to massage table. No clothes required.

Dude like that’s gotta have some kinks, right? No kinks, he says.

I’m not into cyber sex, phone sex or sexting. I’m straight, not bisexual. I like hugging, holding hands, cuddling, kissing and massages. I use condoms to avoid STDs/STIs.

How do you get this sweet deal? Although he isn’t into sexting, feel free to email him some lingerie pics.

So, let’s negotiate. Please change the subject line so my emails sort better in Gmail. It’d be great [not required] if you attach a few pics in your first email, and not just face shots. Lingerie or bikini pics are not required but I do not mind them 😉

Since the ad has gone up, the man says he’s been INUNDATED with responses, according to the Mirror.

Sure, dude. Sure you’ve been. What woman wouldn’t want that?

You can see his whole ad here.


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