This Man Had Sex With A Van, Let’s See How Many Jokes We Can Make About His Bizarre Love-Making Session

By 10.29.16

Some people love cars, but Michael Henson LOVES cars. The 35-year-old man was caught having sex with a red van. No, that is not a misprint, this dude fucked a VAN.

The car lover from Dayton,Ohio saw this sexy vehicle and could not help himself. Witnesses said they saw the man “pulling his pants down and swinging on a stop sign,” in what have been some bizarre attempt to seduce the car. Following, his mating ritual, he put his penis “in the front grill of the van and began humping it as if he was having sex with the van.” The man became exhausted and passed out in a nearby garden.

Police say that he “appeared under the influence of some type of narcotic.” No shit. He was charged with misdemeanor public indecency. Henson was sentenced to 60 days in jail.

Let’s see how many puns we can get out of this bizarre sexual encounter. Play along at home and submit your jokes in the comment section.

  • Fill’er up!
  • So that’s how cars are made.
  • This is a weird and very literal episode of Pimp My Ride.
  • “No Michael, this is not what I meant by a banana in the tailpipe joke!”
  • This car gets rear-ended in the worst way possible.
  • So this is why my muffler is always falling off.
  • We have a carjacking in progress.
  • You trying to get the tailpipe?
  • Emissions tests are getting fucking ridiculous.
  • This guy’s favorite movie: Cars
  • This car can handle a large load.
  • “I sat right here and said I didn’t want no TruCoat!”
  • Gas-To-Mouth
  • She’s only 5-years-old you sick freak!
  • I hope he at least bought her gas before all this romance.
  • No! It’s a Volvo, not a Vulva.
  • So wrong, doesn’t this sexual predator know that “Vroom means vroom?”
  • That’s definitely not how you use your dipstick to check the oil.
  • Lube job, you’re doing it wrong.
  • Favorite Dating App: Uber
  • You’d think he’d pick a sexier car. Like a sportscar with some real curves.
  • Well he sure looked like he worked up a sweat, you could even say that he’s fucking exhausted.

[Mirror]


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