This Married Dating Site Flies You To A Secret Sex Island So You Can Cheat On Your Spouse In Peace

We all remember the plane crash that was Ashley Madison. 37 million potential cheaters, including UN and Vatican staff members, created an account on the extramarital website, only to be outed in a devastating privacy leak that lead to some dudes committing suicide. Adding insult to injury, it was later made public that the site was just one giant cornucopia of dick.

Welp, it turns out you can’t teach old dogs new tricks and there will always be some suckers who will get sold on the dream and treat marriage as seriously as reading the ‘Terms and Agreements’ before downloading a free app.

And for those chumps, there is Illicit Retreat, the brainchild of UK’s largest extramarital dating site, IllicitEncounters. The dating site for married people is set to buy a private island off the south coast of England that will allow cheaters a safe haven for their illicit affairs.

What the scene looks like, probably.

According to Mirror, visitors will not know exactly where it is because they’ll be required to wear a blindfold before they go, and a helicopter will be the means of transportation to avoid plane or train transfers that could potentially out the cheater. No bullshit.

#commitment

Says spokesperson Christian Grant:

“All you need to do is sneak out for a ‘business trip’ and the rest is taken care of for you.

“What happens on the island stays on the island.”

The island will offer luxury apartments, each dolled up with a seduction scene and its own jacuzzi.

Now the only thing these scumbags have to explain to their wives is why $10,000 was charged on the joint account!

[h/t Mirror]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.