Melania Trump Swats Donnie’s Hand Away When He Tries To Hold Hers In Public

Poor Melania. All she probably wanted to do was marry an uber rich dude and spend her time shopping and flying to Cabo. Now she has to like care about education and childhood obesity and shit. It’s nothing short of a full-time job, a full-time job that’s constantly being critiqued in the media. The pits.

After the president and first lady exited from Air Force One at Ben Gurion International Airport near Tel Aviv, Melania had to shake hands with a bunch of old dudes who probably smell like prune juice and Wether’s originals instead of lounging on a beach in the French Riviera with male models. This opportunity cost of this decision hit her when Donnie tried to grab her hand with his tiny hand to make it appear that they’re as happy as John Legend and Chrissy Tiegen. Melania swatted his hand away like Mutombo and it made the internet.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.