So It Turns Out Michael Jackson Is Poo-Flinging Insane. Literally.
For a long time, the gold standard of celebrity insanity has been Mel Gibson’s fictional cameo in South Park. For those of you who don’t remember, the ‘Passion of the Jew’ concludes with Mel Gibson coming to South Park to fling shit at Stan and Kenny after they stole $18 for his wallet.
Here, relive it.
That’s good crazy. Unfortunately, that kind of wacko behavior only existed in the twisted dreams of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Until today. Today, we are blessed to discover that one celebrity was indeed that insane: Michael Jackson. And it is a delight. He’s even crazier than we thought! The following are quotes from Page Six interviews with some of Michael’s former maids, who are slated to testify in a(nother) sexual abuse case against the Jackson Estate:
“Michael sometimes ran around where the animals were, and he’d track . . . poop throughout the house and think nothing of it,” Maid No. 1 recalled. “Then, if you said something, he’d threaten to make doo-doo snowballs and throw it at you.”
Yes, good. Go on.
When Oprah Winfrey visited the Los Olivos, California, ranch for an interview in 1993, it was pristine. Floors were waxed, walls scrubbed and windows power-washed. It was after she… left the next morning that the real Jacko appeared.
“He literally peed on the floor of the entryway, right where you saw Oprah walk in. It was surreal. He just stood there, unzipped his trousers and watered the floor,” Maid No. 2 said.
More. More more more!
The maids described young guests tossing bottles and cans around the house. They would engage in hours-long food fights as well as pillow fights, which left feathers covering floors and furniture.
Jacko would object to his sheets being changed. “There were many times I had to sneak in and change his linen. I couldn’t understand how he’d sleep in such filth,” Maid No. 2 said. “There’d be socks and underpants in the bed and half-eaten chicken and potato chips, empty bottles of wine and whiskey on the floor.
Lovely. I bet he drank Canadian Club. That’s the kind of whiskey you abuse a child to. Then, you can wash your guilt down while staring at a dirty diaper you kept on the premises. Yes. Ol’ Wacko Jacko kept some kid’s used diaper stashed away. To look at. Whenever he wanted.
He also said he hoped Steven Spielberg would burn in “Jew hell,” because if you are going to be crazy, you might as well be anti-Semetic, too.
See, just like fictional Mel Gibson (and real Mel Gibson).