These ‘Most Memorable Stripper Stories’ Are Proof That ‘No Sex In The Champagne Room’ Was A Big, Fat Lie

By 06.20.16

Chris Rock once told us there is No Sex (In The Champagne Room), but after reading through all of these ‘most memorable stripper/prostitute stories’ that bros shared I’m now certain Rock was lying through his teeth. A thread that elicited over 1,500 comments asked ‘What’s your most memorable experience with a prostitute or stripper?’, and I figured since Monday mornings are typically boring as hell this might be a good time for us all to live vicariously through the wild shenanigans of others.

I don’t want to editorialize this too much, I just want to first say that the nature of some of these stories is obviously slightly NSFW. So just know that you’ll be reading about strippers and prostitution. (via AskReddit)


throwaway67773625:
Was with a hooker in Amsterdam, there is a knock on the door, she get out of the bed, opens the door and talk a bit, comes back with a bag. “Oh that was just my father bringing me my dinner.”
I thought a bit about what I was doing with my life, and decided to stop seeing hookers.


WathupSP:
A friend of mine went with a hooker. He started crying because serious reasons. She listened to his story. Tried to help him. She gave him a bj, a night he will never forget and his full money back. She She said “im not a therapist. i dont charge for beein there for another human in need.”
I gotta say, i have huge repsect for her.


Jilltro:
I was at a strip club and this stripper flipped upside down, had me put a dollar on her p***y, and then queefed it up into the air. I was quite impressed.
Another stripper at that same club put a dollar in her mouth and it grossed me out so much, I was like I got those bills from here! They’ve probably been queefed all over! You’re a human being, don’t put money in your mouth!


oednj:
Friend’s bachelor party. Buddy and I went together. He was wearing a baseball cap. Stripper took it and rubbed it on her lady parts. When we returned to the room later that night, as soon as we walked in my girlfriend popped up and said “What smells like fish?” We collapsed laughing for quite some time.


DomoToby:
bacehlor party at a strip club. Buddy and I were just talking at the bar when this swamp donkey of a stripper approached us. Full of confidence which I respect, but my first thought was that there’s no way she works at any strip club, and must be a crazy person off the street. I’m talking misplaced blubber in areas I didn’t know were possible, C-section scar, appendix scar, crooked boob job with scars, obviously high on something, noticeable mild body odor, and an accent that I’m guessing to be Ukranian.. just a 360 degree shit show. Respectfully we declined her services but this crazy face was not taking no for an answer. That’s when I directed her attention to the man getting married, sitting in the middle of the club with his back to us in a captain’s style chair. She charged $10 (at least half what others were charging) per dance. I gave her a $100, and pointed out the bachelor. She tried to do something seductive with the bill that I have blocked out ’til this day, and trotted over to the bachelor 20 yards out. I could see the bachelor politely deny her advances. She leaned over and spoke into his ear, and I’ll never forget that moment. Bachelor does a slow head turn and gives my buddy and I a complete death stare, and with the start of the next song the show was spectacular. She.was.a.mess. crawling all over and around him like a dog, tongue whipping in and out of her mouth, failing at all acrobatic attempts, arms in the air tit slapping him, stumbling on him at times… It was cringe. Song after song the bachelor endured, and to keep from repeating her bread and butter techniques, she started to get creative. Her most memorable technique was when she took two adjacent chairs and put them on either side of the bachelor and stood on them, bent over with her ass sky high, and started smacking her ass/vagine against his face and head. The bachelor was completely still, face forward through the whole ordeal like a rigor mortis corpse. People around the bachelor began to disperse to the bathroom or bar, and it was at this point I couldn’t even watch anymore. I knew I should feel bad but I was too busying drowning in tears of joy. Bachelor never really invited me to much after that.


Security Footage of Stripper Somersaulting Off the Stage
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