Meet Miranda Baldonado. She’s 19. On one hand it’s a total bummer to see someone so young ruin their life with heroin, but on the other hand she’s pretty hot so she shouldn’t have that hard of a time bouncing back from it. “It,” in this case, being heroin, the surgery she had in order to remove the big ol’ stash of drugs she had shoved up her vagina, and the fact that she was pulled over while in a PT cruiser. Who the fuck drives a PT Cruiser? It’s okay (but not even really) if you’re 80 and too fucking old to know what “cool” and “acceptable” is since at that point in your life you’re wearing depends and crapping your pants on the regular in which case WHO CARES what the fuck you’re driving, but Miranda is 19. And in a PT Cruiser. Come on, your mother taught you better than that. She didn’t teach you jack shit about smuggling drugs, but she at least told you not to be caught dead in a PT Cruiser.
Miranda Baldonado needed medical attention after she and two accomplices were caught in Arizona.
The 19-year-old was a passenger in a car driven by convicted drug trafficker Michael Torrez when the pair were stopped by authorities in in Yavapai County.
Fellow suspect Sarah Valencia, 19, was also riding in the Chrysler PT Cruiser, the New York Daily News reported.
…A drug dog search of the vehicle found a pound of heroin, wrapped in condoms.
However it soon became apparent that Baldonado and Valencia had hidden additional drugs inside their “private area” as they were pulled over, the sheriff’s report said.
Valencia was able to remove her package without help, but Baldonado required medical assistance.
Deputies recovered more than a pound and a half of heroin in total.(via)
I am 100% convinced that had Miranda not been driving a PT Cruiser that she wouldn’t have gotten caught. Those cars are literally satan. See how bad I’m stuck on PT Cruisers? Kinda weird, you think? NO. Go drive one and you’ll see what I’m talking about; you’re better off gluing roller skates to your ass, crossing your fingers closing your eyes and scootin’ along into traffic. At least death will be quick and painless that way as opposed to drawing it out by letting a PT FUCKING CRUISER slowly eat away at your soul.
Oh, Miranda also had another girl riding with her when she was pulled over. I almost forgot about her because she’s not as hot, but she’s pretty alright by most standards so here’s Sarah Valencia:
She looks kind of sad. Maybe she should’ve thought twice before riding in a PT cruiser.
[H/T Mirror]