Tell Me With A Straight Face That This Mysterious Creature Sending The Internet In A Frenzy Isn’t An Alien–You Can’t.

They’re just fucking with us at this point. They got us humans on a string, deliberately dropping small clues to stir us neanderthals into a frenzy. Just days after a huge comet-shaped rocket ship thingy spewing blue light was spotted over Los Angeles, the aliens dropped the main course into a San Jose, California resident’s back yard.

Gianna Peponis posted a series of pictures online under the caption:

“I wasn’t gonna post this but I can’t stop trying to figure out wtf this thing is. I heard something scream at like 11.30 last night and went on my side yard and found this thing. It was dead when I found it.”

Peponis’s friend commented on the post and implied a government cover-up and this may be the first time in history I’ve agreed with a conspiracy theory on Facebook.

Um.

LOOK AT THIS MU’FUCKAS HEAD AND TELL ME WITH A STRAIGHT FACE HE AIN’T E.T.’s COUSIN

Fuck ISIS, man. These fuckers are the ones to worry about. Yo aliens, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for your loss, the dude seemed like a good alien. Also, I hated the movie Independence Day. I was on your side. If you’re ever in town, stop by the crib, I got this killer weed that will take ya’ll right back to outer space. You got first greens, too. Don’t kill me.

[h/t Daily Star]

While Aliens Are Casually Dropping Dead Alien Babies On our Soil, NASA Releases Photos of Mysterious Geoglyphs!

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.