Knife-Wielding Ninja Robbers Run For Their Lives When Cashier Whips Out Giant Machete (Signed By Randy Jackson)

Via Pittsburg’s FOX 28:

Two suspects armed who tried to rob a convenience store with machetes were surprised to see the clerk had an even bigger knife than them.

Jewad Hayih, the clerk, startled one of the suspects and knocked the knife out of his hand, while a 65-year-old customer confronted the other suspect.

The store owner then came out with a gun and scared away the attempted robbers.

We give our police officers and military personnel a lot of credit for the dangerous situations they’re put in on a daily basis. And rightfully so. But not a lot of praise gets dispersed to the store clerks around the nation who live in constant fear of getting shot in the face or decapitated by a machete for a measly $8 an hour.

I, for one, would refuse to get behind the counter unless I had a small army’s arsenal of weapons at my disposal. Pepperspray, a few guns, a bow and arrow, a couple nudie magazines for the slow nights, maybe a grenade, and of course, a fucking samurai sword signed by American Idol’s Randy Jackson. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for a clerk who is constantly burdened with fetching drunk assholes taquitos at 2 am and listening to the same shitty elevator music night in and night out.

So it comes as no surprise to me this clerk so readily whips out a giant machete and freaks the fuck out of the degenerates. He probably wakes up every day hoping to use it on someone. The silver lining is that he purged out all his frustration on the bad guys instead of boiling over at a sweet old lady trying to throw $10 worth of unleaded into her Oldsmobile.

[h/t Huffington Post]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.