One Bro’s Emotional Plea to End Bro-On-Bro Violence
Somewhere between hating your life and hating someone else’s, sipping the haterade on the bitter bus becomes a lifestyle choice. You take it to exorbitant levels to feel good about yourself. And what about when you realize that it’s gotten bad? Well, you just keep on truckin’ and become an even more vapid, transparent asshole. Point being?
I’m a hypocrite, but at least I can admit it. I am also an asshole. However, I am asshole that is great at life and doesn’t bring other bros down for their individuality. As a faithful reader and weekly contributor to the obvious Bro culture that defines that select extra-special men (and women) that frequent BroBible, it is discouraging to see all the first-class opinions that litter the comments on Facebook and Twitter and such.
As writers, and pretty much in general, we are taught that no news is bad news. You’d rather have someone saying some stupid shit that isn’t just blasphemous, but blatantly disrespectful. For that reason, you don’t see BroBible editors taking the time to respond to Billy Bob from Podunk Community College (because you’re obvi thirsty- yes, I used that word) about why you chose to read about an asinine topic on our site rather than FoxNews or whichever other cult periodical you frequent.
To reiterate, I am hypocrite. Furthermore, Bro on Bro violence is one of the biggest ego-trips known to man. Not only are you undertaking a dangerous mission set to undermine the hard work of fellow Bros, but you look like a fucking hypocrite that will never admit to that shit. Case in point, I don’t claim to being better than everyone. Just people that don’t read BroBible. So there’s obvi no low-blows in the direction of any of you underlings that read my shit.
If there’s any realistic amount of brain cells in your head, the hope by now is that you can catch on to much of the sarcasm. My guess is that there will be even more idiots that respond in boredom and/or ignorance. But that’s the fun part. And Bros above many other stereotyped groupings of individuals are almost exclusively viewed in a negative light. So where’s the sense in putting down a fellow Bro? Especially when “Bro” seems to be so loose-fitting these days. Half of the randoms I see liking and commenting are dudes that would get blackballed from the lamest of fraternities just for wearing the Ed Hardy or Affliction t-shirts that they so covet.
So if you feel any need to spew Bro hatred to the masses, think first. Is this Bro on Bro violence or am I just a self-loathing asshole?