WTFlorida: The 11 Most Outrageous Florida News Stories Of 2015 (So Far)
It’s been well documented here on BroBible and elsewhere throughout the Internet that Florida is home to the most insane news stories in the world. The rise of the “Florida Man” meme has brought a meteoric rise in attention to just how much insanity takes place down in the Sunshine State.
Running parallel the phenomenon of the “Florida Man”, Comedy Central presents Big Time In Hollywood, FL, which promises to be the most insane show in the history of the channel. Now that’s saying something considering Comedy Central is home of South Park and Chappelle’s Show. Big Time In Hollywood, FL follows the story of two young filmmakers living in Hollywood, Florida who get kicked out of their parent’s house and embark on an epic filmmaking adventure that involves imaginary and real drug lords, the FBI, a dead actor and a $30,000 ransom. Big Time In Hollywood, FL premieres TONIGHT (Wednesdays 10:30/9:30c) on Comedy Central, but you can watch the first episode RIGHT NOW for FREE online by clicking here.
Here on BroBible instead of posting each “WTFlorida” story individually we occasionally like to cobble together a Super Edition of WTFlorida and today just so happens to be one of those days, as I’m bringing you the most WTF news stories from Florida in 2015…so far.
Man Shot Sister In The Buttocks For Baking Him A Penis Cake
“It was Christopher Taft’s birthday and his family celebrated the festive occasion with a bit of shenanigans, a cake in the shape of a penis. Despite his sister working very hard on that cock cake for Christopher’s bday, he went bananas over it. Not in a fun way with a good-hearted chuckle and some wacky photos with the baked goods, he shot his sister. With a BB gun. In her ass.”
Drunk Couple Passed Out In Dumpster After Casino Bender, Had To Be Rescued From Garbage Truck
A Tampa Bay couple had to be rescued from the back of a garbage truck after they got hammered at a casino and passed out in a dumpster.
The Florida couple awoke in the back of a garbage truck after the dumpster they passed out in had its contents emptied, and were forced to bang on the side of the truck and scream for help. They were then taken to Tampa General complaining of ‘back pain’.
Florida Man Turns Backyard Into Shooting Range Because Pools Are For Pussies
“An old high school teacher of mine always used to say “nimby” when discussing current events. It was short for “not in back yard.” He would use the phrase to explain how people wanted a million things — faster highways, more shopping centers, bigger buildings — just as long as it wasn’t anywhere near their own house.
“We want a bigger airport with more flights! But not in my backyard.”
It makes sense but it’s exactly the opposite for a Florida man. He wants a new shooting range and he wants it outside his back door. His neighbors have concerns, mainly, the millions of kids and people living all around his house.”
‘Church’ Loses Its Tax-Exempt Status After Being Outed As Nightclub Throwing Naked Paint Parties
A ‘church’ in Panama City Beach, Florida has lost its tax-exempt status after authorities discovered it to be nothing more than a nightclub throwing naked paint parties and spring break ragers.
Local authorities began to take notice of the ‘church’ known as The Life Center when it began promoting itself as ‘Amnesia: The Tabernacle’. Under the name ‘Amnesia’ the church released a 27/7 party schedule, put an ATM out front of the building for partygoers, hung an ‘iDrink’ banner outside, started throwing naked paint parties.
Florida Man Calls 911 Seven Times After Getting Kicked Out Of A Strip Club
A 24-year-old in West Palm Beach, Florida was booted from the booby bar after security guards exercised their right to remove any patron at any time for any reason.
The night only got worse for the beleaguered strip club patron when police arrived on the scene of the ejaculation, erm, ejection, and arrested Montrell Miller and charged him with “knowingly, willfully and unlawfully misusing the 911 emergency system.”
‘Breaking Bad’ Contest Winner Meets Cast, Ends Up In Prison For Multi-Million Dollar Drug Ring
Ryan Carroll, 29, will serve two years in a Florida prison after police raided his house and found $1.2 million in synthetic pot, $20k in money orders, cash, and six guns. After charging Carroll with five felonies, he’s taken a plea to avoid the mandatory minimum sentences and will only spend two years behind bars.
Oh, this all happened immediately after winning a ‘Breaking Bad’ contest where he was flown to Hollywood to watch the series finale with cast members, including Aaron Paul with whom he took a photo with while both wearing the iconic yellow hazmat suits.
Man Asks His Pregnant Girlfriend ‘Ready For Your Abortion?’ Then Hits Her With His Car
This one comes to us from the Tampa Bay Times: “Pasco deputies overnight arrested a man they say tried to run over his pregnant girlfriend with a car Monday, nearly three years after he struck his brother with a car in Holiday. She told deputies, she was in a fight with Colby and had left their home to avoid further confrontation. After she left, according to an arrest report, Noordhuizen said Colby called her and asked, “Are you ready for your abortion date?” A deputy reviewed surveillance footage that showed Colby striking Noordhuizen, 32, with a 2006 Dodge Charger in front of a Toyota dealership, according to the report. He crashed into a pole, got out of the car but did not help Noordhuizen.”
Man Busted For Drug Possession While Wearing Shirt That Says ‘No, Seriously, I Have Drugs’
50-year-old John Balmer was arrested for drug possession after deputies saw him passing a ‘bag of green leafy substance’ to another man. After investigating further Mr. Balmer was found to be in possession of marijuana and methamphetamine. This all took place while Mr. Balmer was wearing a shirt stating “Who needs drugs? No, seriously, I have drugs.”
Teenager Spends An Entire Month At A Hospital Pretending To Be An OB/GYN Before Anyone Discovered Him
A teen in West Palm Beach, Florida spent an entire month channeling his inner Doogie Howser, posing as an OB/GYN at the St. Mary’s hospital.
There are conflicting reports on whether or not the kid had contact with patients and to what extent. For instance, FOX 13 is reporting the hospital released a statement that the impostor had no contact at all with patients:
“The individual never had contact with any hospital patients and did not gain access to any patient care areas of the hospital at any time. The hospital immediately notified local authorities, who took the individual into custody, and we are cooperating with their ongoing investigation.”
A Pilot Drew A Penis On Flight Radar While Flying A Private Plane
We’ve seen penises drawn on news reports, penises drawn by Nike+ mapping, and penises drawn on football fields in the snow, but this is the first time we’ve ever seen a penis drawn in the sky on radar by an airplane.
Big Time In Hollywood, FL premieres TONIGHT (Wednesdays 10:30/9:30c) on Comedy Central, but you can watch the first episode RIGHT NOW for FREE online by clicking here.