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Five weddings. That is how my summer is being spent. I have to buy a suit instead of using my dad’s hand-me-down, travel all across the country, write two speeches and five $200 checks. Now, I’m not complaining, but all this seems a little much if I consider the statistics: at least two of these couples will get divorced. Will they send me my check back? Doubt it.
A shitty way to look at it, I know, but the truth is a fickle beast. And in all likelihood, one of these divorces will be ugly. Cheating will likely be the culprit. Some marriages end due to a gradual growing apart process, and others in a raging dumpster fire. What I’ve posted below are the latter.
Redditor Slayer_of_Gingers posed the question: Divorced men of reddit: what moment with your former wife made me think “Yup, I’m asking this girl to divorce me.”?
The question has garnered over 17,000 comments. Here are the best. I mean, worst. I mean both.
When my buddies approached me to complain that she kept sitting on their laps, wiggling, and hoping for an erection.
Not me, but one of my best friends(got his permission to post). He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife’s Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700) and the remaining portion to buy a new computer chair for when he gamed (~$300).
Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up, and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.
Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked “did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one btw) and you only got me a few things?”
At that point, his brother in law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later when he was dropping me off at the airport he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.
When a friend’s wife said to me “You know your wife is sleeping with my husband.”
The morning I saw a picture of some dudes dick on her phone. She was classy enough to bring him to the divorce proceedings…
Finding her, on Christmas Eve Eve, still sexting a co-worker whom she claimed she was no longer in contact with (having been busted sexting him previously, also). I cleared out of there like a blackjack dealer.
I used to love to do chores for her because she loved being taken care of. When she stopped noticing, it started hurting. Then one day I made a bench for our entryway out of barnwood. Took about 40 hours of work. She walked in the house after work that day and sat her purse on it and proceeded to start the fight where she told me that she was mad she got married to me. She stormed out of the house grabbing her purse. Never noticed the bench was there. I knew then but I think she already knew.
Preface: we were doing a trial separation. She moved into the spare bedroom of our apartment. “Divorce” had been thrown around but we still spent time together and slept together. I wasn’t seriously considering divorce, but rather counseling, etc.
Up until the day I came home from work at the same time I came home every day and she was in her room being fucked by some random guy she met on Tinder. She had not told him she was married. I kicked him out of the apartment and made it clear to her I would be moving out as soon as possible.
Edit: Must add that she expressed interest in counseling as well. And that we discussed ground rules for the separation, one of which was “do not fuck other people.”
Edit 2: Thanks for all the love. For those asking, I moved out because I couldn’t afford the apartment on my own. I didn’t kick the guys ass but I did tell him while punching the door that he had 3 minutes to get out of my apartment. I said if he wasn’t out in 3 minutes I was going to break down the door, and it wouldn’t be to shake hands (proud of that line from enraged me, usually I’m not very articulate when angry). He was out in a little over 2 minutes.
The lesson to be learned here: you can never get divorced if you never get married.
[h/t Reddit]