Rumors and false accusations are not cool, bros. Spreading false information about someone can (and does) ruin lives. A bunch of people over on AskReddit shared stories of the most bizarre things the’ve ever been accused of and I gotta say, if I was writing a mystery novel this is EXACTLY where I’d start.
These aren’t your every day, run-of-the-mill, ‘he said, she said’ types of accusations and rumors. There’s some genuinely weird shit going on here. Like the dude who was accused of cheating on his girlfriend with not 1 chick but FIVE AT THE SAME TIME (side note: he didn’t even have a girlfriend at the time). I won’t give away too much, so let’s get to AskReddit’s responses of the most bizarre things people have ever been accused of.
Wearing an invisible wire with an invisible ear-piece during an exam so that I could cheat.
This old exam administrator lady was walking around with a device that apparently detected radio transmissions and apparently it was detecting some from me. So instead of thinking that there must be an error, she decided that I must have invented a significant technological breakthrough in the evolution of Man kind, whereby I could make physical objects invisible.
And of course the first thing I’d do with this device would be cheat on my Intro to Psychology exam. Not, you know, sell it for billions of dollars.
In my freshman year of high school I was pantsed during the first quarter of the year. When I went down to pick my pants back up, the button on my boxers wasn’t closed so it opened as I bent of to get my pants. Someone apparently saw it.
I was accused of having a huge dick. Which is funny because as much as I love my sex sausage, it’s not huge. I would say around average or slightly above.
Which you would think who gives a fuck but it was mentioned nonstop. Which is kinda nerve wrecking because I didn’t want to disappoint.
The story kept snowballing, then it was rumoured that I had a huge hairy dick. Then a huge vainy dick. I heard my cock was a significally darker color than the rest of my body lol. So much weirdness. I never got to clarify only to those few disappointed ladies.
A person once accused me of cheating on my girlfriend with 5 other girls. Five! I didn’t even have a girlfriend.
I was accused of plagiarism. Of myself. Of a paper that had nothing to do with the paper I was accused of plagiarising on. It still took an entire ethics board to meet and clear me. (Granted, it took them about 60 seconds once they got to my case).
I was in line to order gelato, at a shop that pretty much only served gelato. It was the kind of place where you order, ask for toppings, and pay all in one giant line. Immediately after ordering my gelato the guy in front of me in line turns around slowly and glares down at me.
Him: “What did you just call me?”
Me: “Uh…” I of course hadn’t been talking to him.
Him: “Did you call me a mulatto?”
It took me several seconds to piece together that gelato sounds like mulatto, this guy had the skin tone to warrant being sensitive about that slur, and that he was definitely more than big enough to crush me. When I did, I started laughing to myself (not sure why. I guess I found it humorous that I was about to get beat up for something I hadn’t done) and the guy behind the counter had to vouch for me.
When I was at the river with my parents, some guy was driving on the gravel road about 100 ft behind us. We were throwing rocks in the river(the opposite way of the road) and the person driving on the road stops and yells out to us “stop throwing rocks at my truck” We were like “Uhhh were not.” And then proceeds to argue with us. He then gets back in his vehicle and drives some more and stops gets out and screams at us some more for “throwing rocks at his truck”
Dumb motherfucker didn’t realize he was driving on a gravel road and the rocks were being kicked up by his tires.
Hack Google in a GCSE ICT lesson… Basically I just managed to get on the Internet when the teacher had locked it, it didn’t lock my computer for some reason, I was banned from the computers for a couple of weeks after that… If I could hack Google I wouldn’t be sitting in your fucking level 3 ICT class…
A kid once accused me of feeding their pet bird chewing gum. I can only assume he actually did it and panicked when the bird died. Of course his mom believed him over me.
A teacher once accused me of having sex in my high school chapel. She spread the rumor around the entire school and I’ve been told to this day I’m remembered as the ‘guy who had sex in the chapel’.
Was at a pizza place one night trying to buy dinner when a flash temporarily blinded me. I blinked when the flash went off again.
“I got you, you bastard! You think you can just rip down my signs and get away with it? Well, now I have your picture! I’m going to the police! Hah!” A very angry man was standing there holding a pile of torn up posters in one hand and an instant camera in the other.
“I… what? I didn’t tear down any posters. I don’t even know who you are.”
The man’s response was to angrily take another picture.
So I asked for my pizza to go and left.
To this day I don’t know what the hell that was all about.
Having a fake accent. Someone thought I was Mexican and trying to impersonate an Asian.
“I am Micronesian, from Pohnpei.”
“Italy?”
“No, the Pacific.”
“That’s not a real place.”
My home is real, I promise you. I’m here right now!
“you’ve been abusing your prescribed ADD medication to be more focused in class and during exams.” That’s exactly what it’s supposed to do! This person doesn’t know what living with ADD means.
I had a girl get caught trying to play me and a buddy of mine at the same time. We caught onto her plan and she got really stressed about it and started breaking out with acne. She claimed it was herpes and I gave it to her. She didn’t have many friends after that
At a night club and catch a cute girls eye from across the dance club. She sees me and starts working her way through the crowd to me. We approach each other and I get ready to lay a pick up line.
She grabs my throat and starts trying to choke me and hit me in the face while screaming that I’m a white trash rapist. People pull her off of me, I’m too confused to even be angry and I called it a night.
And just an fyi for the inevitable comments- no I’ve never seen this girl in my life before and I did have equally as confused friends witness this.
Stealing an entire rack (vending machine) of Sunday newspapers. I had always gone to a local convenience store to buy the Sunday paper (way back when papers were still a thing). It was my Sunday ritual. I came home from work one day with a notice on my door from the sheriff’s dept. Called them and got the scoop that I had been ID’d taking all their papers. Turns out the cashier at the store simply knew me from memory after seeing me there getting a paper every Sunday. It all ended after I went to the store and chewed out the cashier, her manager, and the paper delivery guy ( who wanted to come kick my ass).
Being a Vietnam draft dodger because I wouldn’t sit and drink whiskey with them. I was 8 years old going into a library downtown in the 90s.
Walking in the library and some guy yells “come drink with us.” I’m the only person on the street. He gets closer to me and says “drink with us, we got some good whiskey, brother.” I said no thanks. He then yelled at me “IT’S BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING WAR MAN! I BET YOU’RE A DRAFT DODGER, THINKING YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR OUR WHISKEY. FUCK YOU MAN!”
And last but not least!
There was a student at my high school in California who was something of a pathological liar. The stories he would tell were of the sort that painted him as having a kind of pained, unappreciated nobility, which paired very well with his many alleged feats of bravery and strength. This young man’s pinnacle achievement was a piece of erotic fiction that he’d written (and subsequently claimed to have “found on the Internet”), in which he’d cast himself as a studly hero, all of his female acquaintances as his sexual conquests, and all of the males that he knew as either pathetic nobodies or villains.
He wasn’t a particularly reputable fellow, as you can imagine… and yet, somehow he managed to start a rumor about me that had some interesting results.
The first I heard of this rumor was when a young woman approached me and asked, with some suspicion in her voice, if I still had stalker tendencies.
“‘Stalker tendencies?'” I repeated. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Come on, Max,” she replied. “Everyone knows that you stalked Katie when you were in seventh grade.”
“That’s news to me.”
The girl shook her head with disappointment. “I guess you can’t admit to it.”
Without waiting for me to respond, she turned and walked away, leaving me feeling excessively confused (and more than a little bit worried). I did my best to follow up on the rumor with other people, but I had limited success: Those who had already heard it had few details to add – although apparently I had broken into Katie’s house, hidden in her closet, and watched her undress – and those who hadn’t… well, I guess I inadvertently helped spread the rumor by asking about it.
Anyway, being the brash young man that I was, I decided to approach the girl that I’d supposedly stalked and find out what was going on. She, fortunately, had dismissed the rumor as being a piece of wild gossip, and she told me that she’d originally heard it from a girl in the drama department. I wound up going on a school-wide research expedition, tracing the rumor from person to person, until the trail finally led back to pathological liar with the penchant for writing erotica. He, of course, claimed to have heard it from someone else, and he was altogether too virtuous to tell me his source.
“Well, that’s fine,” I said, taking care to speak loudly enough for everyone around us to overhear. “It’s a ridiculous rumor, anyway.”
“I don’t know,” he responded. “Katie is pretty creeped out by you.”
“No, she isn’t,” I replied. “In fact, she thought that the rumor was silly, especially since she knows that I was living in New Mexico when I was in seventh grade.”
That seemed to stump the guy, and I left feeling both satisfied and smug… but it was a short-lived victory, because the very next day, a second rumor went around, in which it was alleged that I had not only “Internet-stalked” Katie in seventh grade – which would have been in 1999 – but that I’d actually convinced my parents to move to California so that I could be closer to her. (The debacle with the young woman’s closet apparently took place within moments of my arrival in the state.)
In the end, the rumor died away pretty fast. The guy who started it went on to tell other, equally absurd tales, and to the best of my knowledge, he’s still at it today.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bedroom to invade.
TL;DR: I didn’t come out of the closet, but apparently I did come inside it.
I left out A TON of the most bizarre stories for the sake of brevity, so if you want to read any and all of the responses over an AskReddit you can follow those links above!