It’s called Pooductive and it is both the app we deserve and the one we need right now. Ok, maybe it’s neither of those things, but it is an app that exists and goddammit I’m here to tell you about it.
Close your eyes. Now, imagine that you’re on the shitter, gruntin’ out a toasty BM like you’re known to do. What’s in your hand, helping you to cope with the fecal child you’re currently giving birth to? A cell phone? I thought so. What are you doing on that cell phone? Looking at BroBible, I presume. Well, say you’ve read every single article on BroBible, even Covucci’s animal content. What are you going to do now? Text your friends? Write that work email you’ve been stewing on?
NO. You’re going to do none of that. Or at least you’re not going to do that now. Instead, you’re going to open Pooductive, an app that lets you connect with other folks on the dumper, and you’re going to have a chat about life, work, hopes, dreams and maybe, if you get real friendly, you’ll even compare shit consistency. “How am I? Oh man…I haven’t been feeling great since I ate my wife’s peanut chicken last night, and I think the grayish hue of my stool reflects that. Can I send you a photo?”
Who knew you could take a shit and at the same time make life-long friends? The makers of this app, that’s who. Also, dudes who tap their feet looking for sexual favors. Those dudes are all about pooductivity.
“Smooth as silk.” Those guys didn’t even mess around with foreplay. Right into the good stuff.
Best part of the app, you can chat with people in your area. If you get really lucky, maybe you’ll even connect with the guy a few stalls down who is absolutely going ham in the handicap stall.
As stupid as this app is, you have to download it just to try it once, right? I mean, that makes sense, doesn’t it?
[H/T Death And Taxes]