LOL A Major Presidential Candidate Just Said He Bought A Gun To Protect Himself From ISIS

by 2 years ago  •  11 Comments
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Face the Nation

Picture the scene: The seventh Republican primary presidential debate, two Thursdays from now in Des Moines, Iowa. On stage are the leading candidates for the nomination: Trump, Cruz, Bush, Kasich, Carson, all of them.

The moderator directs a question to Chris Christie. “How, if you took office, would you propose to destroy ISIS?”

At that precise moment, clad in black and carrying Kalashnikovs smuggled across the Mexican border, four militants smash open the doors, screaming in Arabic.

Before a single shot is fired from their rifles, the sound of four gunshots rings out from the stage. Four clean head shots splatter the brains of the terrorists against the back wall of the auditorium, the threat eliminated before a single U.S. life is lost.

“I know the question wasn’t directed to me, Megyn,” says Marco Rubio, calmly holstering his pistol, “but that is how I would defeat ISIS.”

The crowd erupts.

Seems … somewhat implausible, no? Not in the mind of presidential aspirant Marco Rubio, who on Face the Nation today said he purchased a gun on Christmas to protect his family and community from ISIS.

Forget for a second the fact that Marco Rubio, at rallies and events, even though he has yet to get Secret Service protection, is never more than 20 yards from an armed policeman. Ignore the fact that Islamic militants have never so much as attempted to assasinate a U.S. politician. Don’t even worry about, the San Bernardino shooting aside, which may or may not have been inspired by ISIS, the fact that the Islamic State has gotten nowhere near attempting a Paris-style attack in the U.S. Disregard ALL evidence that armed civilians do not protect people against mass shootings.

Forget all that shit that would tell you that it’s completely farcical that a United States Senator would buy a gun in the middle of a presidential campaign because a non-existent threat is so fucking pressing.

Don’t worry about all those utterly batshit jumps in logic you need to take to even comprehend why Rubio would think this makes sense, the kind of idiocy that would make you appalled that we are even contemplating letting a person who doesn’t understand basic threat assessment be in charge of our nuclear arsenal.

All of it. Out of your mind. Doesn’t even matter.

Just realize that man who has repeatedly, repeatedly talked about the ease with which he would DESTROY ISIS (in six simple steps no less) is now so afraid of them he had to buy a gun to feel safer.

[H/T @darth]


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