Dating can be a pain in the ass. There are only so many times you can swing the whole dinner and a movie shtick before she realizes that you have the creativity of a tree stump, and sitting around playing Call of Duty on your Xbox in your underwear together might be your idea of a dream date, but hers? Uh, not so much.
But fear not, because with the changing of the calendar comes a whole new season filled with new date ideas. Sure, some of them might be a little corny, but let’s face it, old school dating is a little corny. But we must do what we must do, and to help you out – and to keep her from selling your Xbox on Craigslist – we bring you these fall dating ideas, along with their pros and cons.
Football Game
The pros here are obvious – it’s a goddamn football game. Even if the date kinda sucks, you still get to watch some football, and if you’re not exactly a silver-tongued conversationalist with the wit of Oscar Wilde, you can let the game itself fill in the awkward silences. It can be a lot of fun to get caught up in the game together, and if it’s a good game, you’ve got a memorable day to share together.
But, let’s face it, the game might suck, it will probably be cold and kind of dreary and you will spend all day sitting together on cold bleachers that hurt your ass, wondering how early you can leave without looking like a pansy. Those awkward silences will be even more pronounced when there’s nothing really all that exciting to fill them, and even if you do catch a good game, you don’t want that to overwhelm your date. I mean, let’s face it, you don’t really want to feel like you’re just hanging out with one of your bros. As much as you think that would be cool, it’s just too platonic, and it’s too easy for that to transition from “something you shared” to “something you were both just there for,” and that’s not a place you want to be.
Fun with Leaves
Sounds kind of boring, right? Well, yeah, that’s the downside. When the main ingredient of your date is dead leaves, you’re not exactly striving for inspired brilliance.
But sometimes, what’s romantic isn’t flashy, and even a simple drive through the countryside to check out a stunning vista of leaves, burning red and gold on the horizon, can get the heart pumping in ways you never imagined. And once you’re home, you can frolic in fallen leaves like kids. It’s playful and shows that you don’t take life too seriously or obsess over your own vanity.
Of course, that all sounds great, but make sure that you actually have a stunning vista to check out, or else you’re just going to be driving bored through the countryside, looking at shitty old trees and wondering when you can come home. And raking leaves just so you can jump in them isn’t exactly a lady’s dream date, so if the conditions aren’t just right for this one, find something else to do.
Pumpkin Evisceration
Okay, fine, that is kind of a misleading title, but after visiting a pumpkin patch there might be a knife involved, and pumpkin guts may be spilled at the end of the day, so I’ll allow it. Anyway, you can make a whole ridiculous day out of this. Hold hands as you frolic like idiots through the pumpkin patch, pick out your favorites like you’re adopting the world’s ugliest kids and then head home to carve them up. Wait, this got kind of dark.
On the plus side, it’s a ridiculously cheap date, with only the cost of the pumpkins to really worry about, and if that’s going to stress you, then dating ideas are probably the least of your worries. You can also show off your artistic skills as you work your knife-wielding art skills on some poor pumpkin, or you can impress her with your stunning ineptitude as you craft a Jack-O-Lantern that looks like Eric Stoltz’s face in Mask. Either way, that’s a situation you can make work for you if you know what you’re doing, and I believe in you.
On the downside, you’re going to spend all afternoon wandering around looking at vegetables, and then maybe have the pleasure of having guts and seeds spilled all over the place, and that is not the kind of seed you want to be cleaning up at the end of a date.
Hay Ride
This is basically another version of the fun with leaves, in that it’s a seasonal thing that under idyllic conditions can be romantic as hell. It’s old fashioned, it’s slow in a way that allows you to breathe and just enjoy each other’s company, and it has a certain playful quality to it that is simple, old fashioned and makes you look like you appreciate the deeper things in life.
On the other hand, you’re riding around on the back of a wagon in a pile of hay like you’re a hobo from 1750 who spends most of his time chilling in a barn. As date ideas go, that really isn’t that far removed from surfing from trash can to trash can in search of hidden delights. Plus, if you end up on a hay ride loaded with other people, you’re going to get pelted with hay by little brats. It’s going to happen, so you best make your peace with that.
On the other, other hand (yes, I have three hands, okay?) you can make that work for you. You can show that you’re playful and good with kids and all that other happy horseshit. Just watch out for actual horseshit while you’re down on the farm.
Scary Movie
Fall gives you an excuse to watch a movie that actually scares you for the right reasons, and not The Notebook kind of reasons. Plus, a good scary movie is a natural incentive for her to curl up next to you, and that’s always a good place to start from.
On the other hand, watching a lady get cut in half with a chainsaw, or some mutilated molester with knives for fingers terrorize teenagers in their dreams isn’t exactly a turn-on, and if it’s a first or second date, that’s not the sort of imagery you want her remembering every time you close your eyes. Well, not unless you’re Patrick Bateman.
Corn Maze
Another seasonal activity that sounds whimsical and romantic until you actually get there and realize that it’s cold out, it’s raining and you’re wandering around in a goddamn cornfield.
Still, if the conditions are right, you can have a lot of fun chasing each other around, revealing your playful, innocent side and making sweet, dumb corn-fed Midwestern memories together. Of course, even if conditions are perfect, chances are you’ll just end up getting lost in a fucking maze of corn (seriously, who thought of this?) and never end up seeing each other until you emerge, desperate on the side of the highway after hours and hours of wandering and are picked up by a lonely trucker… and that’s when the real date begins.
Corn maze image by Shutterstock