Fuck no, I say.
Look, I’m all for legalized immigration. I believe the backbone of modern America was formed during the immigration waves of the late 19th and early 20th century.
But if you are going to move to America, you goddamn better not be here to usurp our fantastic, AMERICAN culture we’ve developed. Some immigrants come here and think they can just turn this land into their New Finland or their New Portugal or even their New England.
Fuck that. And the worst offenders are the crowds down south. I’m talkin’ ’bout Mexicans, people. Everywhere I look these days, it’s taco this and quinceañero that. I have to press 1 just to hear an English voice when I dial my phone sex line. Oprima dos por Gabriela. Oprima tres por Isabella. Complete and utter bullshit.
And now, this. This, fucking, this. McDonald’s, the last bastion of American freedom, of burgers and fries; of post-World War II culture; of our beautiful, beautiful obesity epidemic, is adopting La Vida Español. The chain is testing hamburgers with guacamole on top. Guacamole. A foodstuff filled with thousands of words that end in ‘O.’ Seelantro. Halapainyo. Avocado. Lime-o.
In North Carolina, South Carolina, and Denver, the franchise is selling a guacamole burger, a guacamole grilled chicken sandwich and a guacamole crispy chicken sandwich.
Guacamole. ON HAMBURGERS. What next? What fucking next? Latino baseball players? Ugh. No.
It’s the beginning of the end, folks. It’s the beginning of the end.
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[Image via McDonald’s]