Revenge Sex is a Dish Best Served Sopping Wet and with Horrible Intentions, Plus Another Glory Story
This bit of sexual revenge took place during my sophomore year of college. I transferred to this pretty solid school to start the year which was known for binge drinking and ill-timed pregnancies – I felt at home.
As fate would have it, the only person I knew out of the thousands of people at this new wonderland was my psychotic ex-girlfriend (we’ll call her BJ). The silver lining? She was a dedicated on-call booty-call 24/7 – I can respect a chick who takes her craft seriously. That and the fact that she introduced me to new talent nearly every time I saw her in public.
So one day I see BJ in the caf and she promptly introduces me to her friend (let’s call her MK). MK was probably a 7 sober, but both of them invited me to a banger that night and I was down. Long story short, I wound up getting sweet dome from BJ that night on some back porch. I blew, went back to the party, and was escorted by MK back to her dorm for some downright sloppy drunk sex a few hours later. (Let the record show that MK had tits straight out of a National Geographic mag. These things were comparable to Ms. Chokesondick from South Park; the only thing missing was a litter of kittens searching for milk. But beggars can’t be choosers when you’re the new guy, so she became another well-used booty-call option.
Here’s where it gets twisted. As bat-shit crazy college chicks tend to do, MK apparently fell for me which resulted in her telling me she loved me during a drunken booty-call. When she found out I was still nailing BJ on the reg, she freaked out and went on some sort of sex-bender.
Now, I didn’t really give a shit about this chick whoring herself around campus until I got a private Facebook message from her friend (call her ATM – a solid 9), who I had never actually met.
ATM took the time to inform me that MK had apparently fucked her boyfriend while on her whoring spree. I offered my condolences politely in return, which was followed by another message reading, “I’m drinking tequila with some people in my dorm, you should come.” I sprayed some Axe on my balls, threw on a fresh pair of drawers and sprinted across campus to her dorm within minutes. ATM was waiting at the door and led me upstairs, not saying a word. Once we got into her room, which was completely empty, I quickly realized there would be no tequila drinking. She sat on her bed and pulled a college ID key-card out of her pocket, which had none other than MK’s face and name on it. She didn’t even have to finish explaining her plan, nor did I ask how the hell she got her hands on the ID. We walked 3 doors down the hall and let ourselves into MK’s room, which ATM swore would be empty for the night because MK went home with her roommate to hide in shame. I’ve never seen a chick get naked quicker than this ATM girl, and she wasted no time. She threw me on the bed, ripped my pants off, and blew me like a god damn champion. I’m no Peter North, but I’ve never seen a chick consume the entire shaft – I had myself a winner.
Foreplay, some raw-dog sex, a little 69 action, some more sex – all on MK’s bed. In my head I’m already having a mini-fiesta because this is too good to be true. All of the sudden ATM starts to go absolutely nuts as I hit it harder. She pushed me off and exploded, and I mean exploded, freshly squeezed poon juice all over the bed. She threw my dick back in her and asked for more. I kept going and told her I had to blow, so she reached behind her head and grabbed this ratty looking blanket. I pulled out and blew a glorious load in said blanket, got dressed, and right the fuck out of that room.
When we got back to ATM’s room she was laughing hysterically. I asked her what was so funny, and she proceeded to tell me that the ratty old blanket I blew in was MK’s childhood “blanky” that she’s had forever. I’m going to hell.
Revenge is a dish best served sopping wet, sticky, and with horrible intentions.
Could not have put that better myself. NEXT!
I'll preface this story by saying I graduated from a SEC school last May that has a pretty good football team. For homecoming week a bunch of my old pledge brothers and I went back for the game. After we won we went straight back to all the old bars we would hit up back in the day. Lo and behold as I'm grabbing a drink I see one of the girls I used to hook up, we'll call her Dr. Quinn (she's in med school).
After drinking all day with my bros I was pretty drunk and although I thought I was being smooth I more or less probably grunted a few less than coherent words in her vicinity but nonetheless fifteen minutes later we were outside the bar making out. I slipped in the normal “let's go someplace more quiet” and it was on. One problem though, I was staying with some friends and had a cozy couch to sleep on and she was in the same situation.
Wanting to do the nasty we both realized that we were gonna have to get creative. While walking aimlessly around campus (campus is right across the street from the bars) we stumbled onto the historic part of campus where only a few people were walking by. Dr. Quinn and I found a little covered area where we thought we could get it on in peace and commenced the raw-dogging session. Being pretty drunk I was having a problem splurging my man juice so Dr. Quinn proceeded to try give me a beej in the elements.
About a minute into it an older couple walked straight in front of us (what they were doing out after midnight god only knows) and I made direct eye contact with the old man's wife. In a rush to grab my pants and abandon ship my knee smokes Dr. Quinn in the face almost knocking her out, while the old couple scurried away more than likely horrified that they saw my O-Face.
Dr. Quinn and I then quickly put the clothes back on and ran to where her car was and slept in there till 6am the next morning. After we laughed about the old couple seeing us she drove me back to my friend's place and we haven't spoken since. I really hope I didn't cause that lady to have a heart attack.
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