Last month, I lamented the demise of Tinder and explained why the app has become an awful waste of time (a chief reason being the imposition of the right-swipe limit). Recently, I came across an incredible job advertisement on Craigslist titled “Tinder Surrogate Wanted”. Naturally, the ad piqued my interest. Here’s what it reads:
“I’m sick of the Tinder swipe limit and sick that I actually have to look at a photo and decide whether a chick is hot or not, before transmitting the info from my brain to my finger on whether to swipe left or right.
Since I can no longer swipe right on everyone, I’m seeking a Tinder surrogate to help manage my Tinder account as I am a busy professional. $50 for each successful match that is not a bot. The ideal candidate should [have] ample experience with dating apps.”
Wow, so here is one rich dude who is paying $50 for each match you get for him. The immediate thoughts that ran through my mind were:
- Is this a scam? He must be trolling, right?
- This is one hell of a lazy douchebag.
- Damn, I’m not the only one pissed off by the right-swipe limit and thinks it’s all a bullshit ploy to let Tinder make money.
- Does he have standards? Do I get $5,000 for 100 hideous matches?
- This is the most wasteful use of money I’ve ever seen. I think it costs less to sign up for Tinder Plus and bypass the right-swipe limit? LOL.
Without further ado, I messaged the ad poster with a fake resume of how I bedded 500 hot chicks in the past 12 months of using Tinder. I thought since that was how I landed a freelance writing gig over here, a bogus resume plus an inspirational story of how I turned from dad-bod to master playboy is the way to go.
Throughout the next few days, I corresponded with the secretary of this rich businessman. Yes, the poster of the ad is actually his secretary. I guess when you’re rich you can hire a PA to manage your dating life. If you’re even powerful you might be able to bang some young college intern at the office, but I digress.
From my correspondence with the PA of this tycoon, whom I shall call “Mr. Grey” for the sake of this article, I discover to my amazement that Boss was not some ugly, balding old man with a waistline expanding faster than I can swipe five girls. Mr. Grey is a decent looking man in his late-20s with a pleasant personality and helluva cash to spare. And it’s not that he can’t get laid or have tremendous body odour – but then again, no secretary would badmouth her boss, amirite?
So why the need to pay someone to manage his Tinder account, I had to ask. Well, the answer is because “time is money” for Mr. Grey. And every minute spent doing the boring ‘how’s your day going?’ small talk before you pull the trigger to set up a date is seen in terms of opportunity cost by our young boss. So what exactly is Boss looking for – wife material or casual sex? Answer: he just wants to get laid, with hot women between the ages of 18 and 30. Although he doesn’t rule out a serious relationship.
Over the subsequent days, there were plenty of interested applicants for the job – not that I was surprised. Eventually we received an email, thanking us for our interest and giving us further details. It was going to be a competition to choose the Undisputed Tinder Champions who deserve to work for Mr. Grey and I felt like I was either in a reality show or part of some social experiment. The instructions read:
“Due to the sheer number of applicants for this assignment, we have decided to split everyone into teams of two. Each team will submit a brief proposal / write-up and the winners will be hired. A special $300 prize money will be given to the winning team (each person in the team will receive $300 each), on top of the original promised remuneration. To recap, $50 for each successful match and $200 bonus for each successful date. Pls submit the proposal to XXX at XXX@gmail.com and the decision by us will be final. Your proposal should include the following:
1) What photos should I use? Be specific as we will be hiring a professional photographer to take new photos for the tinder profile. E.g. State: photo #1: Solo head shot, #2 group shot with friends in a bar etc.
2) What tagline will you use? Be creative, but more importantly it should get results.
3) What opening line will you say to each match? You can provide several examples.
4) Explain how you will ensure the highest possible chance that each date you arrange can potentially lead to something sexual occurring. E.g. the photos you use, the tagline you use, specific things you will say in the conversation to test how the lady reacts. In other words, how will you “know” which women are more likely to be open to a sexual encounter.”
Plot twist, it has become some sort of tag-team elimination match. Miss Secretary explained that there were simply too many candidates and they were unable to read so many proposals or invite everyone down for an interview.
As the nosy self-proclaimed journalist I am, I tried to understand the situation better. From what I gathered, the aspiring Tinder Masters were evenly split in terms of gender and come from diverse backgrounds. For example, there was an air stewardess who offered, in her initial application, to throw in a free consultation for Mr. Grey’s profile to ensure he is attractive to women. Then there were those who were worried about being ethical and questioned the morality of being a Tinder Surrogate. And there were the braggarts who claim they were some sort of experts in dating, social psychology or human relations who bring to the table tons of experience in analysing all kinds of living beings from humans to Martians.
Miss Secretary was confident that with Mr. Grey’s calibre, his Tinder Surrogate could easily rake in $2,000 a month on this part-time gig. Why not just pay for Tinder Plus and there’s no need to give a damn about the right-swipe limit, I asked. He believes that Tinder’s algorithm is somehow structured so as to penalise those who swipe right indiscriminately, she explained. I actually agree with that theory, sadly.
Some people have observed that many wealthy men who are successful in their careers have no clue about women and social dynamics. That’s why high-end escorting is a thriving industry in many countries. Mr. Grey doesn’t seem like one of them. After all, a surrogate can spit game over the app for him, but he still needs to work his charm in person. I don’t know who snagged the assignment in the end, but it’s the weirdest gig I’ve come close to trying out.