My Girlfriend Accidentally Broke My Dick And Now I’m Scared To Have Sex — What Do I Do?

by 3 years ago
scared man

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Welcome to another edition of Ask A Bro.

No personal stories again this week. I just feel as though nothing interesting enough happens that I can write about. I need to get out more.

Anyway, on to the questions. If you’ve got one for me, submit it here.

Q: Recently I made a change of area from one part of New Jersey, to another. From previous life choices of being too much of a bro, I found my way into recovery(not drinking/using drugs because I’m “that” guy). This has led me to an IOP program, a three hour class multiple times a week reminding you that heroin really knows how to fuck up your life. In being in this program, I both met and started talking to a girl from my hometown area. Besides her and I both having obvious substance problems, we started texting. Now here’s where the issues slide up. Being in this program, people tend to be a little more open then they would be on the outside. Crying is a daily routine from the most ridiculous things to some heavy shit, seeing people high as giraffe pussy, and more forms of ridiculous debauchery. She rarely speaks in there, but when she does its actually educated and well thought, a rare trait. So she asks for my number one day, and from there on out continues to impress me through her hatred of these people in our group. Outside of that though, I cannot read this girl by any means. But she’ll hit me up first saying how she has no friends, and wants to talk later. She even texted me at one point saying “Don’t be afraid to ask me whatever you want, whenever you want (Smiley face). But then she’ll bail on a phone call, or not text back when I’m asking something in the middle of the conversation. Is this girl is just open to talking to me because she airs all her worst secrets out in the open and so do I? Or is she really into the cause? And am I wrong for wanting to bring up some rough subjects that you can tell she’s obviously had some damage from in the past, just for the sake of getting to know her? 

Obviously just a weird situation, and I probably could have wrote that paragraph to be a 5 page paper to give you a little further depth into the situation. Regardless, that’s the best summary I could possibly give out here. Thanks for your time man, look forward to any type of response!

A: First off, congrats on trying to get clean and stay clean. It’s going to be a struggle for the rest of your life but you’ve taken the right steps.

Now, to answer your question, I’m going to repeat one of the only things I know about rehab from any and all addictions. I’ve heard this from countless people in rehab for several different issues. One of the first things they tell you in rehab is NOT to get romantically involved with another person in rehab. It’s just a bad idea. I think you shouldn’t get into any type of relationship with a person in the same rehab, especially one of the opposite sex.

Now maybe this isn’t a romantic situation and you’re just looking for another friend. I understand you feel like you should be with or around someone who gets your situation but it’s a bad idea. She’s got a ton of baggage, so do you, and you don’t need to be carrying around each other’s shit with all your shit going on. Get your life squared away first.

If you need someone to talk to, maybe try and find other people in rehab but not your specific program or group. So they get it but don’t know all the things you know.

Best of luck.

Q: Alright bro, heres the deal; Im having a little trouble with the ole ego. About a week ago, I got turned down by a girl. “Yeah it happens to everybody, not everyone thinks you’re attractive”, whatever, I get it. The thing thats bothering me is that this girl wasn’t even that great, probably like a soft 7 on a good day. But thats whats getting to me. If i get turned down by an absolute babe I think “whatever, yeah she’s probably looking for a Brad Pitt-Esque dude anyway.” Getting turned down by a girl that I think I definitely should be able to get for some reason is getting to me. I can’t help but thinking why I wasn’t good enough for this particular girl. Its making me second guess every time I hit on a girl. Save all the “stop acting like a girl and being emotional” bullshit. Bros have feelings too. Let me get some advice for getting back on the horse, some bro-to-bro pep talk or something. Or why denial by a sub-par girl is so devastating to a guys game. Thanks Bro.

A: I’m not a woman (opens fly, confirms, yup not a woman) but I think I know a little something about women. I’ve got a feeling that your soft 7 turning you down has nothing to do with looks and more that it’s painfully obvious your ego is a hard 4.

Women want a good looking guy BUT they’re more interested with a guy who’s got a little bit of swagger. That’s the reason a ton of ugly guys have hot girlfriends. They know they’re ugly so they make up for it with not giving a fuck. They give off this vibe of just being in control. Women want a man in control. Not to dominate but to at least make the moves, make some of the early decisions in a relationship and at least act like they won’t drop to the fetal position if shit hits the shed.

I wasn’t in the moment but I’m going to assume you approached the soft 7 and gave more than a few facial cues that showed her “she wasn’t that great” and that you really weren’t that into her. You made it obvious to her that you were more just killing time or just trying to bulk up the names in your phone as “possibles.” A woman can feel when a guy is really into her and when he’s just putting out game for the sake of game.

So was she really a soft 7 or did she lose points after she turned you down? If she said yes, you’d dub her at least a nine. Stop ranking women, bro.

Q: I’ve never asked anyone this and I figured asking a person I don’t know over the internet would be a good idea. Anyways, I’m a freshman at college and I’ve never had sex. My question is, should I shave my private hair? Do girls like that? If so, how much? Sorry for the weird question, but I need the advice. I feel like a lot of hair down there would gross girls out. Thanks

A: First, don’t call it private hair. It sounds like the name of a hair salon on a military base. Second, concentrate on getting laid first. Don’t spends hours on your touchdown dance when you’ve never even been in the end zone, son. You’re a freshman in college. Get your dick wet!

After you get it wet, trim your damn pubes. You look like you’ve got Reggie Watts’s head in a leg lock. Takes some clippers, put them on about a 3, and trim all over. You don’t want to look Bieber bald but don’t want a Eugene Levy down in your dick area.

Q: This isn’t easy to talk about for many reasons. All of which will become obvious after I explain what happened. In the middle of an insane sex session…my girlfriend broke my dick. I never thought it was medically possible, but it is, and it was the most painful experience of my life. I actually heard the pop. I almost passed out. It eventually healed, after surgery, and now I’m scared to have sex again.  At all. I’ve had sex with my girl but it takes forever to get me off and sometimes I can’t at all. It’s fucking up my relationship. What do I do?

A: I was completely fine with this letter until you said “heard the pop” and then I had to stand up from my desk and take a lap around the block. I’ve heard before that men can experience a broken dick, and even thought it happened once or twice, but I’ve never heard about the audible aspect of dick breaking. Shit, now I’m scared, and it didn’t even happen to me!

Before I get into the issue with your girl, let’s talk about the dick breaking. I want to explain to readers exactly what happens during a penile fracture. Now, I’m not doctor, even though I’ve played one while super drunk. (I did it in a real hospital. I can’t talk about it because of the lawsuit but I will say demanding all the nurses call me Doc Cock got me pinched much quicker.) I consulted the internet and found this helpful explanation from the head of a urology department at a major university.

“It’s what we call penile fracture. It is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears. The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis that fills up with blood during an erection. When the tunica albuginea tears, the blood that is normally confined to this space leaks out into other tissues. You get bruising and swelling.” — http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-you-really-break-your/

But what about the pop, doc! Actually, the pop is covered later in his interview but he also went on to say it’s kind of common and can be healed without surgery. I guess in your case surgery was the best. Whatever gets your dong up and functional faster, I’m all for.

About your mental issues with having sex — those I totally understand. I fractured my ankle in high school and the week after the cast came off I tried not to walk. I was afraid it would snap in two again. Eventually I just got over it because, well, I didn’t have a license yet and walking was basically my only way of getting the fuck around. My suggest for you is to just go for it. I mean crazy go for it. The next time sex is on the table, act like a fucking lunatic. It’s like an athlete getting injured — your only going to know if your game ready if you get into the game.

I don’t know the stats but I’ve got to think it’s now less likely to happen again. Lightening usually doesn’t strike the same spot twice. Although lightening didn’t hit your dick, so that could still happen. With your luck, it wouldn’t shock me.

Got a question for the resident bro? Submit questions here, email Chris directly at chris.illuminati [@] wovendigital [dot] com or if it’s under 140 characters, hit Chris up on Twitter @chrisilluminati.


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