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New Year’s Eve is this Thursday, and if you are anything like me, some time around 1 a.m. your booze and uppers addled dick is gonna wanna stick itself in something. Your hand, a lubed pleasure sleeve, or maybe even a real live human lady.
(J/K on that last one, but let’s pretend.)
Let’s pretend you even have a lady who wants to screw. You can’t waste all that time hailing a cab or waiting on a subway platform or walking back to your house.
That ain’t the passion 2016 deserves. You gotta do it NOW. But the middle of the living room ain’t the best option, unless you wanna wind up on the web on January 4th under the headline ‘Video Of Couple Doing It In The Middle Of A New Year’s Eve Party Is The Latest Viral Sensation.’
Is that me, you think, as you recover from the fourth day of your bender.
Nah, bro, it won’t be you, if you find somewhere discrete. But where?
Sadly, the most popular place to fuck is a feces-flecked restroom.
That’s according to a new survey by Miss Travel, who found that 60 percent of singles have boned in a bathroom on New Year’s.
The next best choice? A stairwell, which I have actually done, and my girlfriend wasn’t on the pill at the time and we didn’t have a condom, so I wound up jizzing on the cinderblock wall. GREAT New Year’s memory.
Rounding out the top five are a balcony, which sounds dope, a cab, which yea, duh, and an elevator, which does not seem like a logical choice.
Although you most certainly aren’t making decisions based on logic at that point of the night.
Just wrap it up either way, if you really want to start 2016 off on the right foot (the not getting an STI foot).
[Via Miss Travel]