If You Needed a Reason Why You Shouldn’t Hit Your Friends In the Nuts for Fun, Let This Be It
Guys have been rocking other dudes in the ballbag since the advent of time. We don’t go around all willy-nilly just bashing strangers in the sack, but when we’re stupid kids, there’s something about seeing our friend hit the deck in sheer agony from testicular terror that’s as crisp and refreshing as an ice-cold can of Fresca. There’s also the self-defense aspect of why you’d hit another guy in the nards, but that’s significantly less hilarious to the underdeveloped brain of a young tough.
Thing is, after you hit a certain age and have experienced your own testicular trauma on multiple occasions, blasting your buddy’s dickbag with all your mite kind of loses its luster. That “certain age” should be like 10-years-old, but it’s not. It’s probably, and sadly, closer to 17.
One group of older guys in Pennsylvania, who hadn’t quite grown out of this “phase” yet, learned this hard lesson about nut jabbing your bro: Insurance might not cover your testicle injury if it was brought on by your buddy’s fist as you were playing “Dance Dance Revolution.”
According to Court House News:
Clayton Russell and his friends were playing the video game in his basement one evening in September 2006. Players of “Dance Dance Revolution” score points by stepping on a floor pad in a dance-like motion that the game instructs.
While Clayton was playing, one of his friends, Brandon Hearn, hit him in the groin from behind with his forearm. Clayton went to the hospital one day later and underwent surgery for tortion of the left testicle.
Brandon testified that his action was commonplace among his friends and that he felt “Dance Dance Revolution” was a “little kid’s game.”
Diagnostic tests show that the boy may be permanently infertile.
Clayton and his mother sued Hearn for assault, negligence, infertility and infliction of emotional distress.
“In our little group, if you were doing something, like, kind of stupid, that’s what you – you would get a ball tap,” he said in his deposition.
Brandon added that he felt “really bad” and “never meant him to go to the hospital.”
I think the lesson here is: Be better at committing insurance fraud and don’t play “Dance Dance Revolution” if you know what’s good for your genitalia.