Here’s a Story About a Bro Who Claims He Got His Best Friend’s Ex to Blow Coke Off His Dick
Afternoon, ya’ll! As is the drill, housekeeping first. Send your stories here.
Now here’s a doozy of a tale about a man in the throes of drug abuse, sleeping with his best friend’s ex. It’s long, but I enjoyed it.
Senior year in high school, beginning of the second semester, I was a full blown drug addict who was getting my kicks before everything went up in smoke. In other words, I knew I would be sent off to rehab or end up dead pretty fucking soon, at which time I would either be dead or have to get sober and work hard to earn back everything I was having so much fucking fun destroying.
That’s real freedom right there, nothing to fucking lose. I didn’t give a shit. So two of my best friends at the time are, for the purpose of this story, we will call S and M.
S had recently broke up with his girlfriend of three years, we will call her C. He treated her like shit for most of it and had gotten tired of banging her, genuinely convinced he could do better. This was not true, because C had it all, perfect ass, perfect C cup tits, jet black hair and was a super cool chick who was always tons of fun and down for whatever. Total fucking package.
I hadn’t really talked to her or seen her since the breakup. We didn’t have mutual friends and never had a single class together. One fine day, we run into each other in the senior lounge and she says ‘hey.’ We spend a few minutes catching up and go our separate ways. Nothing wrong with that, right? I mean she was, by default of dating somebody in the crew, an honorary member of the crew for three years. I’m not going to ignore her. She gets the courtesy of a friendly convo and I had no bad intentions. I was getting plenty of ass from all the coke girls I was selling drugs to and S was my best friend. so I wasn’t going to go there.
Cut to later that day. I’m in class and I get a text from S “I’m going to fucking kill you, you piece of shit.” WOW that came out of nowhere. I keep asking what I did, not sure if I had gotten blacked out and done something or maybe I stole something from him and forgot (my life was all a bit of a blur at the time). I was running through all the options, trying to figure out what the fuck I had done to make my best friend hate me. I couldn’t think of anything I had done wrong, which was odd because I was doing everything I could wrong at the time. S refuses to tell me why he is mad, he just keeps threatening me, which was no big deal because the kid was maybe 110 pounds soaking wet and I had just slimmed down from a burly 210 pounds to a lean, mean, and very attractive 165 with 4% body fat. I was in peak shape from crack and wrestling. In other words, he was no threat, although he is a nuts motherfucker and I was slightly worried about being stabbed. The kid had a thing for knives.
So later that day I see my other BFF M walking down the hall with C. I go up to him and say “Bro fucking S is being nuts and keeps threatening me all day, but won’t tell me why, any idea what I did?” M says (remember C is standing right there) “Ohhh really, I have no clue. Let me talk to him and then you come over after school and we can smoke a blunt and I’ll tell you what he says.”
After school as planned M tells me that S said he heard I was hitting on C and he is ready to fucking kill me next time he sees me. I laugh at both notions because nothing could have been farther from reality, I never hit on her and he couldn’t touch me. Then M says, “I don’t know man, I heard from C too and S said a few people told him.”
I say, “Fuck, I have no memory of that. I haven’t even talked to her in months except for earlier today.” I was doing a lot of different drugs at the time, though, so I figured I hit on her while I was fucked up and just couldn’t remember. But I felt real bad and decided I would shoot her a message on Facebook and set it straight so we could all move on. So I tell her “hey C, don’t mean to bother you but S is super pissed at me. He thinks I’ve been hitting on you and I just want you to know I didn’t mean to come off like that. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable. I was really just trying to have a friendly conversation.”
C says, “What! That is crazy we haven’t even seen each other in months except for today. I wish that fuck would just leave me alone. He is so crazy. Don’t worry you didn’t come off like that. Let’s hangout sometime.” I read it and am totally confused and then everything clicks. M said he had heard it straight from C herself, but clearly that wasn’t possible because I hadn’t spoken to her at all except for earlier that day and was not hitting on her, it was M!!! Turns out M was actually secretly fucking C and he saw me talking to her in the senior lounge. Unable to claim C as his own since it was his best friends ex, he couldn’t say shit to me. Instead he goes to S and fills his fragile mind with lies about how I am trying to fuck C and am nonstop trying shit with her knowing that S would flip a shit and I would be forced to back off. Of course, all this is a hunch at the time, but I was pretty sure I was right, I mean it made sense. But the best part about this scenario was that it gave me the green light to fuck C for myself, so I decided to believe it as fact. C had ended her message with “lets hang out.” I couldn’t believe it but it almost seemed like she wanted to fuck me, probably due to her hatred of S, but I didn’t care. C is/was a 9 and I will take that all day, every day. I was a fat kid for two years that had gotten in really good shape and suddenly girls wanted to fuck me. It was a crazy foreign notion at the time.
The next day C comes over to chill. We are in my room, talking about how crazy S is and eventually I see my opening and I saym “well, you know, I am already being treated like I tried to hook up with you so, I mean, I might as well, right?”
She looks at me and smiles and boom we are making out. I remember being so fucking proud of myself, perfect execution of a plan. I start grabbing her ass and pull her pussy up against my crotch so she can feel my dick through my pants and she starts slowly thrusting back and forth up and down against it. I’m like “let’s do some coke first” and pull a loaded mirror out from under my night stand. C looks at me. “I’ve never done it before.”
“It’s fantastic, have some,” I say.Sshe does a line puts her head back and takes a big sniff, coughs, looks at me and says “I think I like coke.” Adorable, I smile and rail down a few for myself and pass it back to her. We continue to blow lines and hook up. I fuck her from all angles. She is a screamer. “This is awesome” is being repeated over and over in my head for the entire time. She even blew coke off my dick and proceeded to suck it. We had about 10 orgasms over a period of 6 hours, I can say we with confidence as she is loud as fuck. She cannot hide her orgasms. Thank god my parents let me live in my house alone during the week. After about three hours of this my phone rings, obviously I’m busy and don’t even bother to look to see who it is. Then I get a text, then C’s phone rings and she gets a text, I get another text. What the fuck, now we have to check. They are from S, he said he was driving down my street and saw C’s car in my driveway. Lots of threats, I’m a piece of shit blah blah blah.
Also, I live on a dead end so no, he wasn’t driving down my street he was stalking me. We both say fuck it and don’t answer him and proceed to do more drugs and get our rocks off. If I could go back and relive any moment in time it would be those six hours of drugging, sucking and fucking. If that’s what heaven is like I will go to church every day.
So the next day I am excited as fuck to execute phase two of my plan, telling M that I fucked C so he can see his whole plan blow up in his face. And remember, there’s nothing he can say or do about it. Also I told everybody about how she blew coke off my dick, I was damn proud of that at 18. M was a crazy fucking kid and still is, he can beat the shit out of anybody just because he out crazies people 100 to 1, I mean the fucker will rip out your eyeballs if that’s what it takes to win. So I go up to him and I’m like “you know how S kept fucking threatening me because he thought I was hitting on C?” M says “Yea.”
I show him C’s FB message saying I never hit on her so he can feel really fucking stupid. Remember he said that C had told him I was hitting on her, which clearly never happened. M says, “Ohh man just show that to S.” I say, “I can’t dude I spent the whole night fucking her, figured if I’m getting blamed for something I might as well do it.” I’m rocking a huge smile and make him high five me. There is nothing he can say, but I can see his blood boiling and I feel like a fucking rock star. I am smarter than you will ever be you silly fuck, I drink from your milkshake, you fucker.
I continued to fuck C and party with her up until I went to rehab two months later. She goes off to college. Then, over Thanksgiving Break of the next year, I just got home from eight months of rehab about two weeks earlier, I wake up in the middle of the night to a drunk C. she had gotten wasted and just decided to get dropped off at my house, no call, no text, she just came. It was 2 a.m. and I was asleep, so she wakes me up and immediately starts blowing me and then fucks my brains out. That was the last time I fucked C. For the record, I stayed sober for a year and then started drinking again. I have never gone back to the hard stuff and am fully functioning and successful member of society, graduated a great university two years early and I have a great job, so I can look back and laugh on what a degenerate I was. I celebrate six years clean on the 28th.
Flash forward to four years later M and C are seriously dating, even living together. C just graduated college and M was just a useless drug addict like he still is today. But I am home visiting my parents for Christmas and invite M and C as well as a few others over to my house to smoke a blunt after the bar we are at closed. We are all chilling waiting for M and C to show up with the weed and my drunk ass starts talking. “I cannot believe that M and C are dating, I mean she literally has slept with all his best friends. I mean I love the girl, but not exactly wife material, she blew coke off my dick and M knows it.”
One of the kids at my house is a friend of M from way back and I don’t really know him. The second M shows up he pulls him aside and repeats what I just told the room. M goes nuts and beat the living shit out of me. I didn’t even defend myself, I felt like I deserved it. It was insane. He was crying as he beat me. He was so angry that I told people that, I mean he knew, he was the first person I told, but I guess he hadn’t gotten over it. All C had to say was “I thought we had fun, John?”
This pissed M off way more. She enjoyed blowing coke off my dick, hahaha. And that’s the end of that, a black eye and some bruises, I guess I got what was coming. But I was forced into all this, back against a wall, I had no choice.
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[Cocaine via Shutterstock]