A New Study Seeks To Answer The Question Whether Or Not Booze Actually Gives You Cancer And It’s Not All Bad

A few days ago, a report hit the internet about how booze gives you cancer. When this report hit, I was about halfway through a ten day bender at the beach and I kind of just took it in stride. Now that I’ve stopped hitting the beer bottles and am just waiting for the collective hangover to hit me so hard that my eyes start to bleed, I’m beginning to wonder what negative effect my actions have had on my body.

Thankfully, Uproxx is here to breakdown the medical findings for me so that I don’t have to read like a 45 page medical journal. And their explanation gives me hope but also makes me think that maybe I should slow my mouth-hole a tad when around beer bottle. However, before we dig into this one bros, it is worth noting a few things. For one, binge drinking is never good for you. Sure, everyone does it. Hell, it feels like I’m never not doing it. But it’s not good for you, cancer or no cancer. The real questions we should be wondering is how bad say two or three beers is for you.

Via Uproxx:

“The study is an overview of alcohol and cancer and, on the surface, the news is not good. The data would seem to point to alcohol consumption as a risk for several different types of cancers, including the oropharynx, larynx, esophagus, liver, colon, rectum and female breast. Some of this isn’t surprising, of course; we all know that your liver doesn’t like being soaked in alcohol. But the main problem the study acknowledges is two-fold.”

Ok, a few problems in the research. That’s good news.

“The first is that we have absolutely no idea just why alcohol might be a risk factor, as the study itself admits: ‘The mechanisms by which alcohol causes cancer are not well understood, but are thought to depend upon the target organ. Pure ethanol does not act as a carcinogen in animal studies, and evidence that it causes mutations directly in humans is weak.’

In other words, it’s not the alcohol itself that gets you, but something else. Elsewhere in the study, the author acknowledges that at least part of the link between alcohol consumption and cancer is tied to smoking, and it’s a consistent problem that we don’t quite understand what alcohol is doing here. Is it affecting body chemistry? Is there something in the alcohol? Is risk tied to consumption levels? It’s all a big question mark.”

Ok, so that’s not as bad as I thought. The real issue here is less the booze, and more the ideology that you’re not actually a smoker if you only do it when you’re drunk. Smoking obviously causes cancer.

“Finally, there’s another problem. The studies the research team surveyed also found cancers that didn’t care whether you were a teetotaler or slammed a bottle of bourbon a day, and even cancers that were negatively affected by alcohol: ‘It also seems reasonably clear that some cancers are not affected (adenocarcinoma of esophagus, gastric cardia, endometrium, bladder) or have a negative association with alcohol consumption (thyroid cancer, Hodgkin’s and non-Hodgkin’s lymphomas and renal-cell cancer).'”

Ok, even better. Some areas of your body could get sick or not get sick regardless of whether or not you put down too many tequila shots on a Saturday night with a few of your friends and few more with a bunch of strangers.

So does booze give you cancer? Well, maybe. Really, there’s not enough proof against but also there is just enough proof for that it’s worth getting a tad worried over. But not too worried. For a number of reasons.

“The first is that cancer doesn’t happen in any sort of a vacuum, or because you do one thing. There’s an enormous list of risk factors for each type of cancer, some of which you simply have no control over. One of the great myths of modern America is that if you eat this diet or exercise this much, you will be disease-free with flawless skin. It’s a comforting myth, and there can be good advice buried in it, but it’s still a myth.

The second is that worrying constantly over your health is a good way to stop enjoying your life, because taken individually, each of these risk factors is a tiny, tiny chance. For example, one of the cancers alcohol is supposed to encourage, esophageal cancer, has a low risk that drinking a beer or two will increase by… 4 percent to 7 percent. That is a tiny risk, and controlling for other health factors can wipe it out easily.”

Really, bros, I’m pretty convinced that we’ll soon found that everything gives you cancer. I bet cellphones give you cancer. They’re just mini computers we stick in our ears and next to our balls. How can that be healthy? But would it stop you from using them? Of course not, it’s 2016. The sun gives you cancer. In some towns, the tap water could give you cancer. So what? Are you going to spend the rest of your life indoors, not drinking water? Pros and cons, bros. Sure, we should all take care of ourselves, but also, there are somethings you just can’t avoid. Go with the flow. But until then, enjoy yourselves.