The World’s Unluckiest Man Mistook Superglue For Lube And Accidentally Superglued His Hand To His Dick
Has this guy ever used superglue before? It’s like water. Even in the dark you’ve gotta be like “Hold on a second, THIS isn’t lube” when you squeeze that stuff out into your hand. The only thought process I can imagine is the following:
“Hmm. How odd, the stuff I just squirted into my hand doesn’t quite feel like lube…guess I better rub it all over my dick!”
And that’s how this news story was born, ladies and gentlemen.
“‘The night before, [the patient’ was fixing his lamp next to his bed and he left the superglue tube on the nightstand,’ Valente explained…
The glue tube just happened to be next to a tube of lubrication he kept on hand for when he and his wife were in the mood for love.
Some time in the middle of the night, the unidentified male and his wife decided to have sex and he reached for what he thought was the lubricant.
‘Only he went a little too fast, and — voila! — his hand became stuck to his penis,’ Valente said…
‘This was a large amount of skin that was affixed together,’ Valente said. ‘There wasn’t just a small amount of glue. It wasn’t just one finger. It was, in fact, his entire palm and all his fingers, which were tightly affixed to his genitals.'”
The only word that comes to mind right now is “brilliant,” because that’s exactly the opposite of how intelligent this couple’s kids will turn out if they ever decide to pollute the gene pool and spawn. #Winning.