10 Things Every Bro Wants to Do Before The World Ends
10. Have One, Last, House-Destroying Rager With Your Bros
You’re likely not badass enough to survive the world ending so why not go out with zero inhibitions and total recklessness? “If it burns, it burns” should be the theme of this house party. And if the house literally doesn’t burn to the ground by night’s end, know that you’ve died a failure.
9. Play One Last Round of Golf
You can finally go play the otherwise unattainable Augusta National golf course because while everyone is busy panicking, all the rich dudes will have already retreated to their “End of the World” underground bunkers. So fuck replacing divots and play like you’ve got the entire course to yourselves, because you probably do.
8. Drink a Beer with the Dalai Lama
Playing around with the Dalai Lama to receive total consciousness on your deathbed is pretty cliche. But throwing down a couple of cold brewskis with the spiritual leader of Tibet to deal with your impending doom? It’s the ultimate coping mechanism.
7. Create World’s Longest Slip’n Slide
Slip’n Slides are amazing, even more so after your third rum and coke. For the ultimate summer adrenaline rush before you go out, I propose building a massive two-mile Slip’n Slide down some mandering Colorado ski slope, or maybe some bobsled track in Norway. The hard work that would go into this modern engineering marvel would be worth the chest bumps with your fellow Bros at the finish line.
6. Party with the Stanley Cup
Coolest trophy in sports, the tradition is already there. You could drink out of it, put a human in it, and secure the world’s greatest wingman for the whole night. No brainer, and great way to bid adieu to brain cells galore.
5. Visit Every Ballpark in America
Seems like a thing people do, and then are satisfied with their life. Not sure if that satisfaction comes with actually doing the task, or is simply a result of getting to talk about it later–but people who do this seem to hate stuff a little bit less. Traveling never hurts either.
4. Streak a Large Sporting Event or Concert
At this point, the only thing holding me back is my jeans and the general disinterest in spending time in jail. But if the end is nigh, well, then all bets are off. The world at large needs to see more of business. They just don’t know it yet.
3. Spend a Week in Solitary Confinement
You know, just to see what all the fuss is about. If you know there’s a set end date, it probably isn’t all that bad.
2. Rob an Art Museum
Admit it: After watching Oceans 11 or The Italian Job or The Thomas Crown Affair, you really want to pull off a heist. If the end of the world is coming, why not try to steal that Picasso from the Met? Put it on your bathroom wall. The repercussions will never come.
1. Two Chicks at the Same Time
As Office Space’s criminally underrated Lawrence once put it, “I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.” Maybe they also dig a nigh apocalypse?