This Story About A Woman Blowing Her Fiancé In A Car Ends With SO MUCH NOPE I Have To Shower Immediately

by 2 years ago

We’ve all been there, holed up in the backseat of a car gettin’ after it because a bed’s too far away and we don’t want to get arrested for having sex in public. For most of us we haven’t been there since high school, but we’ve all been there. This story of a couple looking to pull of a quickie in the backseat may make you want to shower, but it’s one hell of a story.

It has all the great makings of an epic hookup story: car sex, impromptu blowjobs, a girl who thinks she could have been a porn star in another life, and a disastrous ending. I don’t want to give away too much, so without further ado here’s creepycreepercreepin’s TIFU story:

TIFU by giving my fiance a blow job in a dark car.

Well. This actually happened about fifteen minutes ago. So, let’s begin…
Due to work schedules, my fiance and I haven’t seen each other in nearly a week. Next week, he’ll be gone working till Friday. So we decided to get some last-minute canoodling in. And so begins the fuck up.
Now, it started off innocently enough. A late night trip to get milkshakes because diabetes. On the way back, I read him a few AskReddit threads, as I usually do when we’re driving somewhere. One was about a guy 69’ing and having the girl start her period. We both shared a moment of horror at the poor man’s fate, then I continued reading worthy responses till we pulled into my driveway.
Our sex drives have been rather low lately with all of the stress life has piled on, but we decided to be a couple of crazy kids and get frisky in the back seat like we used to. So we’re going at it, and I mean really going at it, and I’m thinking hell yeah gettin me some dick. Now I should mention that when it comes to the bedroom, I’m a freak. So it is common for us to do all sorts of wonderful debauchery, one of my favorites being finishing him off with a blow job coming right out from inside me. I swear I could’ve been a porn star if I wanted to.
Anywho. It’s dark in this car, and we’re parked in the shadow of a tree, so I just pop his dick in my mouth and go to town. And I notice that I taste a little different than normal. A little more… Tangy? Well I finish him up, and while he’s basking in his post-horizontal hokey pokey glow, I make a remark that I tasted almost citrusy. So, of course, out of curiosity, he licks one of his fingers and agrees with me. How strange. Well guess it’s time to clean up. We turn the little over head light on….
Yep. That’s blood. I just sucked him off while it was covered in my own blood. His thigh has an imprint of my left ass cheek in blood. Our hands are covered in a mixture of sex juice and blood. Granted, it wasn’t much. His ding a ling just pissed off my cervix when we were galloping down to pound town. But I still wanted to die of embarrassment.
Luckily, I’m marrying a grown ass man who was totally fine with it and made me feel better. Love you babe. Sorry my lady bits had to go all metal on you.
TL;DR Accidentally ate myself out and gained my red wings. Oops.

Frankly, there’s no lesson to be learned here other than ‘stuff happens’. The only way for this to have been prevented would’ve been to meticulously track her menstrual cycle, and that sounds like no fun at all for a couple. I’d never say ‘this could have been prevented by not hooking up in a car’, because this could’ve just as easily happened at home in a dark room.

Do I need to shower immediately after reading this? Kind of, yes, actually I did between the time I first read this TIFU story and the time I finished writing this post, and now I feel the need to shower again. If you’ve got a story worse than this we’d love to hear it, so HIT US UP by CLICKING HERE to the tip line!


TAGSblowjobsFailTIFU

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