Bro Suffering From His Usual Morning Wood Manages To Ruin His Happy Household In A Matter Of Seconds

Three things in life are certain for a man: death, taxes, and morning wood. There’s not a man alive who hasn’t dealt with morning wood, fortunately for most of us though it hasn’t led to what could probably be classified as ‘sexual assault’ in a court of law, though this was just a very, very unfortunate misunderstanding.

This TIFU story is definitely one for the ages, and you’ll sure as shit be glad this has never happened to you. That said, if you think you have a ‘TIFU’ story that’d top this one I invite you to shoot me an email to cassatbrobibledotcom or to hit me up on Twitter and I can feature it here on BroBible.

TIFU by not listening to my wife yesterday by Mewtwopoint0

So my wife and I hire a cleaning maid to come in once a month and clean the house. She wanted the house to be clean for Christmas so yesterday she told me that the cleaning lady was coming today. I wasn’t really paying attention so I just kinda said “yeah OK whatever”. So fast forward to about an hour ago. I woke up at 8 like I always do. Now as many of you will know, men tend to wake up with erections and the need to pee. Well this morning I had a very full bladder and had an even larger erection. My wife wasn’t in the room or bathroom like she usually is in the morning so I knew I had to strike while I had the opportunity since she gets ready for work around 8:30. I pulled off my boxers and speed walked over to the bathroom door, already feeling the urine trying to leave my body. I yanked the bathroom door open and there was the cleaning lady, bent over the toilet cleaning it. Remember, I had literally just woken up so I was still a bit out of it. She turned around and saw me standing there, butt naked with a full blown erection. She screamed, I made some kind of delirious mumbling noise, my wife ran in and she started screaming. Now I’m sitting here drinking coffee and listening to my wife yell at me for sexually traumatizing the cleaning lady.

Tl;DR: woke up with morning wood, walked in naked to the cleaning lady bent over. Her and wife think I’m some kind of perv.

First up, it’s outrageous if his wife now thinks he’s some sort of perv because of this incident. You shouldn’t get married if that person isn’t (1) going to trust you and believe you when you explain yourself and (2) doesn’t understand that all guys suffer from morning wood.

Seriously, if your wife isn’t going to listen to you and believe you then you married the wrong person. This is almost the exact plot of the first episode of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, when Larry David has the pants that puff up at the crotch and make it look like he has a boner. Larry’s wife forgave him because they had a good, understanding marriage. The chick from this TIFU story sounds like she’s probably unstable, that or the couple got married too soon and didn’t know each other long enough.

Cass Anderson BroBible headshot and avatar
Cass Anderson is the Editor-in-Chief of BroBible. Based out of Florida, he covers an array of topics including NFL, Pop Culture, Fishing News, and the Outdoors.