This Bro’s Story Of Hooking Up At The Drive-In Theater Will Make You Question Life, Maybe Throw Up

By 05.09.16
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Some stories are best left untold. Sometimes stories should remain private because they’re so embarrassing that it’s better for the story’s protagonist if the world doesn’t know. Other times a story might remain untold because it’s so disgusting and horrifying that the mere mention of the incident is enough to cause people to gag.

This TIFU story from captcorncob is the rare story that satisfies both of those qualifications above, and it should’ve never seen the light of day. Instead this dude took to the Internet to share his tale of the time he was hooking up at a drive-in movie theater in Deland, Florida. If I were him I’d probably have gone to the grave with this one, and I’d have immediately convinced my parents to move to another state. This is quite possibly the most unfortunate hookup story I’ve ever read:

Back when I was in high school, there was a drive in movie theater open in DeLand Fl, it was one of the few left. I would go every now and then with friends and always had a pretty good time.
One night, I managed to get a girl in the car with me and things were going pretty well. It was getting hot and heavy, windows fogging up and I got her bra off.
I start kissing and licking her boobs when I come to the nipple, I immediately pop it into my mouth and start sucking on it and the fucking thing explodes in my mouth, the girl starts freaking out and I can’t figure out wtf just happened but it tastes terrible..
in the dark, I accidentally locked on to a boil or huge zit instead of the nipple, and it popped in my mouth.
TL;DR: misjudged the tit, swallowed a zit.

How fucking big was this zit? Seriously, the zit was so large this dude thought it was a nipple? Was it really a boil? I have so many questions!

I’ll understand if you need a moment to compose yourself. If you’re like me then the urge to throw up on your keyboard is VERY STRONG right now. I’m worried that this is one of those fucked up stories that’s going to pop into my mind at the most inopportune times. Maybe I’ll be checking out at the grocery store and look up to see a stain on the person’s shirt and BOOM: dude swallows disgusting pus from a pimple while thinking he was sucking a boob. This is never going to leave my mind.

(h/t TIFU)


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